Not that girl
by dstinger
Summary: After Brittney rejects Santana she spirals down into a depression. Will anyone be able to reach her and bring her back to herself before its to late. Pezberrey
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

AN: This is only my second fanfic and my first one with chapters so reviews and critiques would be welcomed. I already know where I am going with this story so hopefully there will be continuous updates.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee

After talking with Brittney I just felt so lost. There I was pouring my heart out to the girl that I had been in love with since eighth grade and she just rejected me, telling me that she was with Artie and was going to stay with him. After everything she still wants to be with him. I just can't wrap my mind around it. She pushed and pushed for me to analyze what I was feeling for her. Hell she even convinced me to go talk to Ms. Holliday and sing Landslide in front of everyone. Then she just crushes me. What was the reason behind all that? I was dealing so well with the whole situation. I had been able to repress my feelings for her, and then she goes and makes me think I have a chance with her if all I did was face my feelings. Well we see how that all played out.

After Brittney flat out rejected me I couldn't do anything. I didn't want to be around anybody and let them see my weakness. Skipping school for the rest of the day was the best way for me to be able to start coping with everything. Granted my coping abilities aren't that great. It usually involves some form of torture on another living being, preferably one Rachel Berry, but I can't find it in me to say one word to anybody. What I do find me doing is falling. Something I had promised I would never do again. I never wanted to fall back into that pit, that dark place with the feelings of inadequacies, loneliness, despair, and the worst, uselessness. Brittney was the one thing that had kept me out of that hole, of course, once I lost her I would fall without something or someone else left to catch me.

When I finally stopped and looked at where I was I couldn't believe I was already home. Not only was I home but I was standing in front of the mirror. The image that was looking back at me was shocking. The person looking back at her was not the person who had left that same house that morning. That person had been confident, self-assured, hot, and fully in charge of what was going to happen to her. In essence the person who had left that house was the HBIC. That was not the person who returned and was looking back at her in the mirror. This was a girl that Santana had not seen in years. This was the scared, insecure, lost, and quiet girl that had been contemplating dark thoughts. This was the girl that I had thought that I had been able to get rid of.

Not being able to stand looking at the pathetic creature that I had turned into by being rejected by some silly girl I left the bathroom for the favor of my father's liquor cabinet and the vodka that was in it. Taking the vodka straight to my room I just jumped in bed turned on my iPod and started drinking straight from the full bottle wallowing in what had become my life. Here I was without a friend to my name, my dad never around because he is a doctor and is always at the hospital, my mom leaving us for another guy, and the one person I thought would be by my side no matter what had just rejected me to be with some cripple. I ended up crying myself to sleep that night.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee

When I woke up the only thought in my head was to get rid of the drum line that was lined up by my bed. Opening my eyes I realized that it was my alarm going off. Not being able to find the damn off button I just resorted to finding the allusive power cord and yanking it out of the wall. Groaning I roll out of bed just wishing that I could justify missing school. As much as my reputation makes it seem like I don't care about school it is quite the opposite. I had straight A's, I was in a whole bunch of AP classes and with skipping out of half of school yesterday I had to go today. There was one redeeming thing about today and that was that today was Friday, so all I had to do was make it through school and glee and, than I could just crawl into my cave and stay away from everyone.

Grumbling I crawl into the shower and just let the hot spray pound on me. Almost in a trance I went through my shower routine until I accidentally nicked myself. It felt so good to have that pain, even if it was just a small amount, to distract me from the pain that was in my heart. It also brought me a sensation of ecstasy and release; something I haven't felt since I got rid of that old Santana, years ago. 'No. No I won't go back to that.' Shaking my head to clear it I quickly finish my shower routine and get out.

Not really caring about my appearance I just throw on some loose jeans and one of my comfort tees. I just throw my hair up in a ponytail and don't even bother with makeup than I grab my keys and head out to my car.

When I entered the halls of McKinley the throng of students parted ways for me, like they normally do, but this time they had looks of shock and bewilderment. They had never seen me looking anything but drop dead sexy. So a scruffy looking Santana was unnerving. Soon the whispering and rumors started but I didn't care all I wanted was to get to my locker and then to my class in peace.

Alas of course that was not going to happen. Waiting by my locker was the one person I had no desire to see at all. Brittney was standing there all smiles waiting for me like usual. It was foolish of e to think that even after what had happened yesterday that she wouldn't still be waiting like a good little puppy dog. She just doesn't understand that after yesterday I might not want to see her. She was just too innocent and naïve. It was one of the reasons why I am in love with, 'No stop, don't start thinking about loving her. Just be neutral when you meet up with her. Don't let her see how truly hurt you are'.

I just continued to walk till I reached my locker and without even looking at her I opened it praying she would not say anything. "Hey San," hopes dashed I hang my head, which just happens to be hidden by my locker door. "Britt," I say acknowledging her and grabbing the books I would need for the entire day. I was not going to go back to my locker all day just so I won't see Brittney again. Hoping that would be all I would need to say to her and that she could just let me walk off. I throw all my books in my bag and start walking off to my class. She tries to take my pinky like she normally does when we walk the hall. I just move my hands to my backpack straps and hoist the pack a little higher on my back and keep them there. I know it probably hurt her that won't hold her pinky but it just hurts too much to have her touch me at all.

We quickly approach my class and I mutter some form of goodbye. I don't know even what I said, I don't even think it made any sense but Britt just shrugs it off, waves goodbye giddily, and walks off towards her class. This is the first time I am actually happy that Brittney doesn't share any classes with me at all.

Morosely I wander over to my seat near the back of the room (I have to keep up appearances even in AP classes) and slump down into my chair. How could she still be so damn fucking chipper? She just crushed my heart yesterday, and she damn well knows it. She just doesn't care. She still has robot boy and she knows I love her. She got what she wanted but I came out with less than I went in with. I lost my ignorance and my friend. I know she is still there but it hurts so much to even think about her. How can I look at her let alone talk to her in a friendly manner or otherwise?

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts and despair that I hadn't even noticed that class had started let alone ended until I looked up and noticed everyone around me packing up their things and leaving. Grabbing my bag I walk to my next class. 'I can't do that. I need to pay attention to my classes. Use them as distractions. Learn and distract that's what classes are for today.' With this thought I spent the rest of my morning immersed in the classes. It was a good thing the classes were math and English. Keeping my mind on the math problems and away from Brittney was easy; math and I were good friends.

E a little bit harder. My teacher was a romantic at heart so all of our readings were romantic literature and our current one we are reading is _Wuthering Heights_. I have to say I don't get why Heathcliff is such a romantic hero. He was just some horrible man who did horrible things and harbored a huge crush on another horrible person. Not that great of a romance story, but it still was. All through class we talked about love, and it was hard to keep my mind away from Brittney with all the talk about love and rejection but then I would just shake my head and focus back on Heathcliff and Catherine.

I was getting through the day. The hard part came again after English. That was when I had lunch, and of course I have lunch scheduled with the rest of the glee club. I started walking towards the cafeteria but stopped as soon as I stepped into the room. That's when I remembered I have lunch with all of glee cub. Hell I eat with the glee club. Looking up and seeing Brittney on Artie's lap just killed me. That should be me she is hanging on, but no she went and chose Cripple Mccripple pants. I can't be in the same room with them, not right now, so I leave the cafeteria.

I just wander around the school for a while until I find myself sitting in the auditorium. I never noticed how peaceful it was in here before. It's dark and quiet but it also feels like home. I have spent so much time here because of glee it just feels natural to be here. I take a seat in one of the many rows and just breathe. I still try with all my might not to think about the image I saw in the cafeteria. Brittney sitting on Legs' lap talking, laughing, and feeding him. Looking like she doesn't have a care in the world. Everyone at that table looked so fucking happy. What have I don't that so bad that I can't even keep the one friend that I had? Before I could wallow even more into my despair the bell rang signaling the return to classes and distractions. Only one more class, then glee, than finally I could go home.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Thank you guys so much for the warm response to this story. I am very appreciative of all the story alerts and favorites. Reviews are always welcomed.

Disclaimer: I still do not own glee

Chapter 3

The last period before the end of the day just seem to crawl by. Usually psychology can distract me from my life but today was a singles project and all I had to distract me was my own thoughts, which obviously were not going to stay away from Brittney without some outside help. As soon as the bell rang I jumped out of my seat ready to run out of school and bury my problems with alcohol and mind numbing TV than I saw Rachel. 'Crap. Glee.' I was so ready for the day to be over and the weekend to begin that during the last period I had somehow managed to block out the fact that I had glee at the end of today. Slowly I trudged down the choir room and took my signature seat in the back and in a corner of the room. I was content just to sit there in my own little bubble without anyone talking to me and looking at the room. Schue would probably come in and do a stupid speech about some mind numbing lesson he wants us to focus on and then Rachel or Kurt or Mercedes would get up and do a performance than I would be able to go home and get away from these losers. That was the plan anyway.

That all came crashing down when in wheeled Artie with Brittney laughing on his lap. She just looked so damn happy. They wheeled over to the empty spot right in front of me forcing me to look at the happiness and love that they shared with one another and had been denied to me. My heart, that which till that point just felt like it was in a billion pieces, felt like someone had decided to put them into a blender and turn it up to the highest that the blender could go until it turned into a puddle and was no longer able to make out what it used to be. I couldn't help it when a tear managed to escape my eye. I was about to get up and leave, screw glee, until Schue came into the room, on time for the first time, and called the group to order. 'Damn you Schue. I just want to make my escape and get away from all these horrible people.'

I was right, at least about Schue droning on about something i simply had no interest in whatsoever, but it wouldn't have mattered if I cared or not. I simply couldn't avert my eyes from the scene playing in front of me. Brittney had decided to remain seated on top of Wheels. Every minute that I had to spend in that room felt like an eternity. The entire room seemed just to be a buzz of voices that I couldn't tell the difference between. The only sound that I could clearly make out, out of the haze of all the other voices, was Brittney's laugh, every time I hear that magical jingle it just cut me a little deeper. Every now and then Brittney would look my way and our eyes would connect and she would just smile at me. Whenever she would do that I couldn't keep eye contact with her so I hurriedly would lower my gaze and keep it there for at least ten minutes if not more. This meeting of glee has to be the most painful one that I have ever been in since I joined the club. I just can't wait for the meeting to be over.

Almost as if Schue had heard my thought he dismissed the meeting. I only noticed this though because I saw the people all around me starting to pack up there things and leaving the room. After almost everyone had left the room I bent down to pick up my things so I could go home when I felt eyes on me. Looking up slowly I saw something that I did not expect to find. Brittney was standing there with Wheels McGee right by her side looking at me like they wanted to talk to me. All I wanted to do was go home so I just started to walk down the risers without looking at them only to be stopped when Brittney stepped directly in my way.

"Hey Santana." all I could do was nod at her. "Where were you at lunch I looked for you, I wants some of my Santana time."

I just stood there. 'Really you looked for me at lunch, it seemed like you were pretty happy where you were when I went into the lunch room earlier today. And you want to spend time with me well screw you. You could have had more than enough Santana time if you had accepted me when I confessed my love for you but no you chose him so you don't get to have Santana time. What about what I want? Maybe I want some time without you throwing the fact that you chose him in my face and not me.' In reality I just mumbled something about not being hungry and hanging out in the library during lunch.

"Well would you like to hang out after school? Artie has to do some doctor thing and can't hang so I thought we could do something."

'Ah so that's why you two are in front of me. One begging me to watch his clumsy and ditsy girlfriend, the other just wanting to be with someone and not be alone. So glad to know that she only wants to spend time with me because Cripples over here can't. It just feels great to be someone's second choice.' "Sorry but I can't tonight. My dad is going to be home tonight and he asked for a night with just the two of us so we can bond. You know it's not often that both of us are home at the same time." I quickly mumble off and push my way for the door. Not of course before seeing a sad frown appear on Brittney's face.

'Is it bad that I feel bad about hurting Brittney? I'm pissed at her and it kills me to see her let alone with Legs but I still hate the fact that I just hurt her. Well screw that she hurt me and is continuing to hurt me by flaunting her relationship with Robot boy right in front of me so I will not feel bad about saving myself form a horrible situation.' With that I make my way towards my car and pull out of the parking lot and head home.

Once home I see that I will be spending the entire night by myself and most likely the whole weekend. There on the fridge was a note from my dearly beloved father telling me that he had to go to a conference in some stupid city and that I was last minute and not to expect him home until sometime late Sunday. 'Wonderful just what I need an empty house to reflect how I feel on the inside.'

Quickly I pick up the half empty bottle of vodka left over from last night and start downing it. 'Hopefully this will take some of the pain away. Hopefully it will make me forget all about the last couple of days. I don't want to remember telling Brittney I love her, her rejecting me , least of all how she didn't seem effected by the fact that she had just crushed me when I decided that I could be vulnerable with her. I want to be able to forget that everyone else gets to be happy while I am forced to be lonely for the rest of my life. '

After a couple of hours with these thoughts pouring through my head and the rest of the bottle of vodka I find myself standing in front of the mirror again. That fucking mirror that shows the horrible person I that I have become, the person that I hate. She is holding a razor. 'Maybe just maybe this can take away the pain that I am feeling right now. I need this pain to be gone.' Slowly I slide the blade across the inside of my wrist feeling the pain and the bliss all at once. 'This, this is the pain that I will gladly accept.' But quickly the pain of the cut is taken over by the horrendous pain that I feel in my chest. 'I need more, more pain, more cuts.' I raise the blade again.

AN2: I hope you guys enjoyed that chapter. Remember reviews are always helpful and appreciated. And just to let you guys know I'm thinking the next chapter is going to be from someone else's perspective.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Thank you to everyone who has been alerting this story and favoriting it. Also, thank you to the people who review it. It really makes me feel good and more hyped to write this story. I think reviews are quickly becoming my form of crack.

Chapter 4

When I woke up today I had no idea that the events that I would witness today would forever change my high school career. The alarm clock ringing out at 6:00 a.m. was a welcoming sound. It would take me away from the ever present nightmares. I rolled out of bed and quickly changed into my workout clothes. Usually I would jump onto my elliptical but my father had recently bought me P90X and I was loving the results that I was seeing only after just one month. I was actually more hyped than usual to start my work out. After my workout I grabbed my ipod, plugged it into the ihome in the bathroom, and started my shower. It always felt nice to have music at the beginning of the day. Whenever I hear music I just can't help but to sing along. Jumping out of the shower and dancing around while drying and throwing on a skirt and white button up, I start on my last rituals for getting ready for school. All that's left is doing my hair and putting on some light makeup. Quickly I grab my things and rush out the door to my car. Strangely enough I still love going to school, it's the one place that I still feel like some people like being around me.

Of course I am one of the first people to get to school, always have been probably always will be, but I kind of like it this way. The big school all to myself; I could go anywhere I wanted, do anything I wanted. I still always find myself in one of my favorite haunts, the auditorium. I don't know what it is about this place that calls to me. It could be the stage, which i know I was born for, the acoustics that reflect my voice so well, or it could be the calm that this place exudes. I always feel at home in the serenity that this place surrounds me in. I spend all the time I have before 1st period here just soaking up the peace, so it would sustain me for the rest of the day.

After hearing the warning bell I ran out of the auditorium and head straight to my first class, which so happens to be AP US History, a class that I share with a fellow gleek. When I enter I can hear all the whispering and for once it wasn't about me. Looking around I see the inspiration of all the whispering, there sat Santana Lopez, looking down at her desk, not glaring at anyone, in clothes that no one would ever think she would wear, and finally no makeup. Santana Lopez always wore makeup and looked her best; there must be something wrong with her. Before I could go and talk to her though the teacher came in and called us all to attention. 'Fine after class I will go and talk to Santana and see if there is anything I can do for her.'

Unfortunately, my plan didn't work out as well as I thought that it would. About five minutes before the end of class my teacher realized that he had to send papers up to the office and of course because I am obviously the most reliable person in the class he sent me. 'Oh well, I guess I will just have to talk to Santana latter on today.'

All through the rest of my morning classes my mind kept returning to Santana. It was just so weird, not only her appearance today, but the fact that she was so tuned out during history. I know her reputation is one about not caring about school but I know that she does. How else would she be in AP classes? Also, she normally participates, at least a little bit, in the class, and she didn't say one word today. Another thing that makes today so weird is the fact that Santana hasn't even tried to stop all the whispering and rumors running around about her. That really is very unSantana like of her. 'Well that settles it, as soon as Santana shows up at lunch today I will try and see what is going on with her.'

I head to the cafeteria and sit down with the rest of the glee club and pull out my fruit. Nothing beats a good strawberry. After a while I notice that Santana has yet to join us and I start to get a little bit worried. Santana normally would be here by now. Since she left the Cheerios for Glee she always sat with us. 'That's it. I'm going to go find her.' I stand up to go find her only receiving a couple of strange looks from some of the gleeks before they returned back to their conversations. I leave the cafeteria and start my search for the missing Santana.

After looking through all of the school I decide I will finally try the least likely spot that Santana would be and checked the auditorium. There she was sitting in one of the many seats. She looks so sad and tired, but she also looks a little peaceful. This place has that effect on people when it's quite. Looking at her I just couldn't bring myself to go disturb her. For one she would probably get pissed off at me if I bugged her, and secondly I just can't see myself shattering the little bit of peace that she has found. But then again she is sad and maybe I can help. Soon thought the decision was taken out of my hands when the bell rang and I had to head off to class. 'Oh well there is always Glee.'

Last period passed pretty fast and soon it was time for glee. I walked towards glee passing Santana, who was going the opposite direction, 'probably to her locker', and waved at her. I walked into glee and took my seat smack dab front center and waited for everyone else to come in. when Santana walked in I was going to say something to her but she just trudged past me and took her seat before I could say anything. She was just staring off into the nothingness; she was just so out of it. I couldn't help but to stare at her and wonder how to help her. 'What could have happened to make Santana so sad? What could have happened to make her withdraw as much as she did?' When Artie and Brittney wheeled in and took a spot right in front of her I saw the look on Santana's face, if possible, became even sadder. 'So it had something to do with them, but what could they have done to her'. Then I saw the tear and for some reason it killed me to see her cry.

Before I could do anything I n walked Mr. Schue. He went into a lecture about being true to ourselves and to how we are feeling. He then had us think about what feeling we are feeling at that precise moment and wanted us to find a song about that feeling and present it to the club the following week. "Now I know that some of you might already know what song you might want to sing, but I really want you all to think about it. So no one can give a performance until Monday." With that said Mr. Schue dismissed us so we could go home and work on the assignment.

I was standing up to go talk to Santana when Finn pulled me out of class to talk to me. "How can I help you Finn?" I asked pulling on my best actress smile. I really don't want to talk to him right now.

"Well I was just wondering if I could get your help picking out a song for this week's assignment." Finn asked with the goofiest smile on his face. I can't believe I use to fall for that smile. Really it just looked like he was constipated.

"Finn I'm sorry but you're going to have to do that on your own. The assignment is for you to search yourself it really wouldn't mean anything if I was to help you with that." Walking away from Finn I head to the parking lot and my car because I know that Finn won't leave me alone until I went home. Reaching my car I turn to the trailing Finn and say, "Sorry Finn, but you're on your own this time." So much for talking to Santana. I guess I have to try again some other time.

AN: Remember reviews are love. Also I am running out of ways to insult Artie, my brain just can't come up with good names, so if anyone would like to give me names for him I would really appreciate it.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and done alerts and favorites. It really means a lot to me. There will be changing prospective's in this chapter and texts are done in bold.

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.

Chapter 5

When I woke up this morning all I felt was pain. There was the ever present pain where my hear use to be, pain in my head, 'have to thank the vodka for that', and finally a surprising pain in my arms. Looking down at my arms I let a groan seep out. 'So in my drunken state I guess I turned back to the blade. Now my question is did it work, at least for a little bit?' Glancing around I finally realized I had fallen asleep in the bathroom with the blade that I had been using just a few feet away from me. Gingerly getting to my feet I grab the blade and just stare at it. 'Do I really want to keep this? Do I really want to go back to that person who hurt myself and had thought of suicide? Well why not? It's not like anyone would really notice or care if I happened to die. Brittney was the one person who kept me from doing that and now she doesn't care anymore, so why should I? And why not use the blade if it helps take the pain away even if it is just for a little while?' With that thought I placed the razor back down by my sink, there was no reason to hide it no one would look for it, and walked out of the bathroom.

After leaving the bathroom I made my way down to the kitchen to grab a glass of water and some Advil. 'I have to get rid of this horrendous headache.' Then I meandered my way back up to my room. 'I'm just going to veg out in my room with the TV on low and hide under my covers. Maybe some horror movies will do me good. One of the first victims to go is always some dimwit blonde. It might be therapeutic.' So once I get to my room I pull all the curtains down, to block out the sun, 'it must be later than I thought it was,' and then wandered over to one of my bookcases to browse my extensive collection of movies.

Scanning my massive collection of horror movies my eyes fall on my collection of Scream movies. 'That would be a good selection; it has its funny moments that might make me laugh, a lot of good violence, and a spurned attitude towards love. Everything that is needed when one's heart is ripped to shreds.' Popping in the movie I quickly jump into bed with my covers pulled up around me. And there I staid only getting up to change from Scream to Scream 2; that is until the doorbell rang. I decided to ignore it, 'it is probably just some Christian do-gooder trying to convince me to repent and turn to Jesus.' I was determined to ignore it that is until they knocked for the fourth time. 'Obviously whoever is at my door is not going to leave until I slammed the door in their face.' Quickly I yanked opened the door ready to bite off the head of whoever had decided it was a good idea to disturb me, until I saw who was actually standing there. Looking down my mind went blank.

All day today I haven't been able to get my mind off of a certain Latina. No matter how hard I tried. Even during all of my lessons my thoughts kept going back to Santana. It got so bad that I even went sharp while singing a scale, a scale! I can do that in my sleep. 'That's it! I can't keep thinking about her and screwing up all my lessons. It was hard enough to do my homework last night with images of a sad Santana popping up in my head all the time. Hell I haven't even made any progress on my glee assignment because I can't pin down the emotions I am feeling right now, and I know it has something to do with Santana. The only way I know I can finally stop thinking about her and actually be able to do what I need to do is if I confront her.'

With that in mind I leave my last class of the day determined to talk to the fiery Latina. I start to slow down when I realized a small problem in my plan. I don't know where she lives. 'Now this might be a problem, but I am Rachel Barbara Berry and no way is a simple thing like that going to stop me.' Pulling out my phone I start going through my contact. 'Now who might know where Santana lives. Santana is obviously out; she is not going to tell 'Manhands' Berry where she lives. There is always Puck, but I don't feel like dealing with all his sexual innuendos. Quinn would just get really snotty with me and probably not tell me anything. The only person I might have a chance of getting to tell me where Santana lives is Brittney.

With that thought I send out a quick text to her. **Hey Brittney this is Rachel Berry from glee club. I was just wondering if you knew where Santana lived. **It was within a couple of minutes that I got a reply from Brittney.

**I know who u r rachel silly girl and of course I know where santana lives.** I can't help but to shake my head. 'Sometimes Brittney really is frustrating. I love her but really is she trying to be coy?'

Shooting off another text, **Mind telling me where that is?**

**No **is what I received right back.

**No you don't mind or no you won't tell me?**

**I don't mind**

Huffing out my aggravation I send what I hope is my final text to Brittney. **Will you please send me her address?** 'There is no way for her not get that I want the address from that.' Finally she texts me back with the address and I'm ready to go.

That is of course until I was standing outside of her house. 'Santana did not look herself the last time I saw her. Granted that is why I am now standing in front of her door, but what if she doesn't want anything to do with me? What if she just slams the door in my face? Let's face it we are not dealing with the nicest of people here. Oh well, she looked like she could use a friend and that is what I will be. If she slams the door I will just keep knocking and bugging her until she lets me in. after all I am very persistent. There is no way she will be able to keep denying me.' With that in mind I strode up to the door and started knocking.

I have to say the word surprised would barely cover the emotion that I was feeling when I saw the little diva standing on my doorstep. 'I mean I know no one really cares about me let alone want to spend time with me. Kurt, Mercedes, Tina, and Mike just leave me alone. Finn I constantly hurt with all the taunts I throw his was. Sam was warned away from me the moment he walked into McKinley. Puck only used me for a quick fuck and now that he had Lauren he stopped even talking to me. Lauren and I keep away from each other since that fight over Puck. With Quinn, well let's just say I burned that bridge a long time ago. Brittney chose Artie, who wants nothing to do with me. And Rachel, well let's just say the words bitch and monster don't even come close to describe how I treat her. So why on Earth is she standing at my door?' "What do you want dwarf?"

"Well Santana I was hoping that maybe we could talk."

"And why would we do that? What makes you thing I want to talk to you?" These words were spilling out of my mouth before I could think about them. 'Oh well.' I shift my stance to lean against the door jam.

"A couple of reasons actually. Firstly, you have yet to slam the door in my face. Secondly, your body language is also stating that you want to because you just made yourself more comfortable. And finally, you know that I will not leave until I believe what I came to talk about is thoroughly discussed."

Gruffing I nod my head. I very well know that because I opened the damn door she won't leave me alone till she gets what she wants no matter what I do or say. So grudgingly I move aside and let her into the house. Not really caring if she followed me I went back up to my room, I was missing my bed already.

It really wasn't that surprising when I heard her close the door and follow me to my room. What did surprise me was that she didn't make a sound and we were both in my room and I had jumped back in my bed. When I looked back at her I noticed that she was glancing around the room and taking in all the black, red, and purple that decorated my room. "Oh you're watching Scream." She must really know her Screams because I had it paused at a generic scene with Ghostface in it. "I liked the first and second ones but the third was a little forced I feel." Wow Berry knows Scream?

"Who knew that Berry like horror?"

"I am versed in cinema outside of musicals and play adaptations thank you very much."

"Are you just going to stare at my room or me? I thought that you needed to talk to me urgently?"

"You're right I do. What's going on Santana? You're not acting like yourself. For one you have only called me one name today, and you seem really sad, and…"

"Whoa, whoa Berry stop talking." She noticed I'm sad? Whatever I can tell where she was going and I really don't want to talk about it. Maybe I can distract her long enough to be able to push her out the door and not have to talk about it. "I'm in the middle of my Scream marathon you can either join me or leave right now." With that being said I played the movie and turned my attention back to it. I was slightly surprised when I felt my bed dip and her crawling over to lie be me and watch the movie.

'She changed the subject really fast. That's fine I can play the waiting game. We can watch some movies than I will get her to talk to me, because there is definitely something off with Santana.

AN: Sorry I couldn't figure out how to end this chapter so I think it feels a little rushed. Remember reviews are love. So please show the love.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Sorry for the last update. I could have sworn I put something there to separate the two different perspectives but it didn't go through over fanfic. Thank you to everyone who reads and reviews this fic. It makes me so happy when I get those wonderful emails telling me I got a new review. Also, I would like to say thank you to those of you that critique this fic I can't get better without that and so thank you for making me better. Also thank you to all of those of you who have favorited and alerted to this story.

Disclaimer: I do not own glee.

Chapter 6

For the first time since I had that horrible talk with Brittney I didn't feel like my heart was being ripped in a million pieces. Don't get me wrong I still hurt and was still extremely sad, but because of the movie, and I guess Rachel had a bit to do with it, it wasn't nearly as bad as it had been. I could lay here all day with these movies going and Rachel lying by me. That is as long as she remains still and quiet like she has been since the movie started. We stayed this way all through the end of the third Scream. Only then did Rachel say anything. "Hey do you mind if I use your restroom?" noncommittally I waved my hand towards the bathroom door thinking nothing of the request.

I was standing and staring at my horror collection once again, I had decided the movie marathon would continue, when Rachel stepped out of the restroom. "How do you feel about 'Urban Legend'?" I asked looking over my shoulder. 'Come on let's put this talk off just a bit longer.' Then I saw her face. It was not one that I was expecting to see. The look that was on her face was one of shock, sadness, and confusion. I didn't understand what had changed so much from the end of Scream to now. That is until I saw what Rachel was holding in her hand. 'Shit I forgot that I had left the razor on the sink. I can't believe I was that stupid.' Then I saw the dried blood that I was too lazy to clean off the blade. 'Well now I'm just screwed.'

"As much as I would like to continue watching horror movies with you Santana I think now would be a good time to have that talk."

"Really Rachel I don't feel like talking."

"Well I don't care Santana, you haven't been yourself for a while, and you've been looking extremely depressed, and now look what I just found in your bathroom!"

She shoved the damn thing in my face but I couldn't bear to look at it let alone look at her. "Rachel I really think you should leave." I said with my face towards the ground and my hand waving at the door.

"No Santana," she said softly lifting my head with her hand. "I thought that we needed to talk before, but now that I have found this," she waves the blade, "I know we need to talk. And that talk is happening now. I don't care if you want to or not we are doing this." Looking down at her phone she checked the time and saw that it was already nine o'clock. "Now I'm staying here tonight because my curfew is coming up soon and I know this talk is going to take a while. So you're going to sit down and I'm going to call my dads then we are going to have a nice long cleansing talk."

I don't know why but I listened to her. I blame my cooperation on my depression. I just don't feel like arguing with anyone over anything. Slowly I made my way back over to my bed and just slumped down on to it. This talk was going to happen; I didn't have the energy to fight Rachel. Do I even have the energy or the emotional stableness to even have this talk? There was no more time to think about it because Rachel had walked over and sat right by me after she got off the phone with her dad.

"We're all set; my dads know I'm staying here. Now I want you to know that we are having this conversation now, but that doesn't mean that I expect you to blurt out everything that is going on you should take your time. We are not going to rush this." Silence greeted this speech from the diva. We just sat there her staring at me, and me staring at the floor. Ten minutes passed in this fashion. "Ok I know I said we wouldn't rush this, but you do need to say something." Still there was just silence. "How about this, I ask a question and you answer it. The questions won't be to elaborate just something you can hopefully answer easily." I nod my head agreeing to the terms of the conversation. "Ok so first question. Does your change in mood and your withdrawal have anything to do with Brittney and Artie?"

I nod my head than softly "yes". She just nods her head like she already knew the answer.

"Did they do something to you?"

"Yes and no."

"Does it have anything to do with your feelings concerning Brittney?"

I just stare at her. How could she know about that? "What makes you think that I have feeling for Brittney?

"Santana, just because most of the glee kids are wrapped up in their own world and to oblivious to notice the most basic of things doesn't mean that I don't see what's going on. You and Brittney singing Landslide obviously was you guys proclaiming your feelings for one another."

"I didn't think anyone caught that."

"You're avoiding the question. Does this shift have anything to do with your feelings for her?"

Taking a shaky breath I lower my gaze again and nod my head.

"Ok now this is where you need to answer with more than just a few words. What happened between you and Brittney?" I just sat there. There was no part of me that wanted to tell her what had happened. "Come on Santana talk to me. I'm not going anywhere and nor is the question."

"She rejected me ok! Is that what you wanted to hear? Santana Lopez, the girl who had made your life miserable, is now broken because the one person who she thought would always be with her rejected her for some stupid cripple!" I couldn't help it I just cracked and yelled at Rachel. When I looked at her, her face wasn't one of horror at being screamed at. If anything she had what I would say is a sympathetic look on her face.

"Feel better now?"

"Sorry I didn't mean to yell at you."

"That's fine for this situation it was a completely understandable thing. In fact I appreciate the dramatics of it. So now talk about how you feel about her rejecting you. I mean it has to have hurt definitely after singing Landslide in class."

I can't help but to stare at her. "You want me to talk feelings with you?"

"Well we either talk about them or we could skip and talk about your cutting. It's your choice. I personally believe that they are connected, so talking about one is in a way talking about the other."

Well I definitely don't feel like talking to her about the cutting so I guess feeling it is. "I feel like shit ok. She pushed me to explore my feelings, encouraged me to divulge them to everyone in that song, and then I tell her I love her. Then what happens after I tell her this, she says she can't be with me while she's with Cripples and that she loves him. Couldn't she have figured all that out before she practically forced me to expose myself to her? I feel so used. I feel like the one person who had always been there for me just turned their back on me and now there is nothing for me."

After I was quiet for a while Rachel turned to me, "Is that why you started cutting?"

I don't know what made me do it, it might have been because I was so emotionally drained but I just started to spout out things she wasn't asking about. "It's why I started again."

"You've cut before?"

"I use to but I stopped. I never wanted to do it again, but now I don't care. If no one cares about me why should I care about myself?"

"Stop San. Brittney might not care about you in the way you want her to, that doesn't mean that no one cares about you."

"Well who cares about me then? We know Brittney doesn't, I don't have any friends, I have pushed them all away, hell my parents don't even care. My mom ran off and my dad is never around. So who cares about me? Huh?"

"I do!"

I was shocked by that. The girl I had tortured mercilessly for years cared about me. I just can't get my head wrapped around it. "Why?"

"Truthfully, I don't know. I have always believed in second chances and the fact that there is good in everybody. And it just killed me to see you so sad. I couldn't get you out of my mind all day. I don't know why, but there is something about you San that makes me care. And it hurts to see you depressed and to know that you have been cutting." She gently took my chin in her hand, "I care about you. You're not alone." Glancing over to the clock by my bed, "Well I think that's enough heavy stuff for tonight. Why don't we put in 'Urban legend' and go to sleep? We can finish this tomorrow."

I nod my head and get off the bed. Somehow she knew that I wouldn't be able to keep going tonight. After I put in the movie we both laid back down into our original spots from earlier and fell asleep to the movie.

AN: I hope this chapter didn't turn out to bad. I definitely had trouble with the conversation. I think it has something with the fact that I don't like having those types of conversations either. Please leave a review and tell me how you guys felt about this chapter. Also, remember reviews equate love to me. The second part of the talk should be up in the next chapter. Have fun and thanks for reading.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Thank you everyone for all the alerts, favorites and reviews. Thank you especially to OTHangels, Angentnote, and Guyana Rose for their constant reviews. It always makes me happy when I see your guys' names and the comments you leave me.

Disclaimer: I don't own glee.

Chapter 7

When I woke up the next morning it was to an empty bed. Stretching out I wondered why I thought it should have been otherwise. I was letting sleep take over me until I heard the rustling over in the corner. 'What was that?' startled I bolted up in bed and started looking around my room. That's when my eyes landed on Rachel and all of yesterday rushed back to me. I was hoping that really hadn't happened. That I hadn't spilled all that was bothering me to Berry, and most importantly that I hadn't been found out that I had started cutting again. Sighing I just flopped back down, 'damn I had hoped that had just been a nightmare, but I guess not, and I still have to deal with Berry.' I turn my head towards her and see that she is staring at me. "What are you doing?"

"Well good morning to you too; and how did you sleep?"

"Fine, now what are you doing?" I ask again. There Rachel is sitting in a corner surfing through her laptop, why she has her laptop here, I have no idea.

"I'm trying to find a suitable song for this week's glee project."

'Crap I forgot all about glee and because I wasn't paying attention I don't even know what this week's assignment is. Maybe if I ask about her song choice it will give me a clue as to what the assignment is because I really don't want to fess up to not paying attention in glee to the biggest gleek of them all'. "Why can't you pick a song?"

"I can't figure out what song to sing because I can't find a song that expresses my feelings appropriately."

"What are you feeling?"

"Really, I'm sad, worried about you, annoyed at Finn, and scared. There really isn't a song that explains all that. But enough about me and my feelings this weekend is about you, and getting you on the road to recovery. How are you doing your glee song?"

"Truthfully, I haven't really even thought about it."

"Really, because I think this week's assignment could actually really help you with what you're going through. Heck I even think I know of a really good song that you can sing to express your emotions, but we will get to that latter. Right now I'm hungry. Got any fruit?"

Shaking my head at the sudden change of topic I get out of bed and shuffle out the door heading towards the kitchen. Rachel, of course, was right on my heals. When we got to the kitchen I pointed at the bowl on the island that held apples and bananas; then I grabbed the strawberries out of the refrigerator. "Thank you." I just shrug, what can I say I' m not a morning person.

Silently we both just started cutting up the fruit for breakfast. When all the cutting was done we just sat down and she ate. It seemed Rachel was as reluctant to break the silence as I was. After she had finished breakfast I threw her bowl into the dish washer and walked back to my room. All the while I have been dreading what was going to happen when we got back up there. Surely she would start in on the cutting and I really didn't want to talk about it.

As if Rachel could read my mind she closed my door, I have no idea why we are alone in the house, and turned to me and tried to pin me with her stare. "Santana I think we should talk now about the cutting."

"Rachel," I said in a warning tone that normally sent anyone who heard it running in the opposite direction. "I really don't want to talk about that."

"Just like last night, I don't care if you want to talk about it or not, we are going to. Now I'm not going to ask when you started or why, because I think we both know that is pretty obvious, but I do want to know how frequently and if you have been taking care of the cuts?" I just sat there silently. "Santana, I will strip you if you don't answer me soon!" Rachel stated with a stomp of her foot.

"You wouldn't dare." I said with an appalled look on my face.

"I know you don't think that I could physically over power you but I'm tougher than I look and I do believe I could take you. And yes I would dare. I need to make sure you're taking care of yourself. Now, are you going to tell me or am I going to have to strip you?"

I just sit there still not looking at her and not answering her. I was not going to answer her stupid questions. At least that's what I was telling myself. She wouldn't dare try and take me; I could easily over power her. I only looked up when I heard her approaching me.

"Told you I would strip you if you don't answer me. This is your last chance."

'Crap.' "Fine. Friday was the only time I have done it recently. I hadn't done it for years before that night." Hopefully she will leave it alone now that she has that little bit of information. I really don't want to tell her that I haven't done anything to protect myself against infections.

"And have you been taking care of the cuts?" Of course she wouldn't take that bit of information and run with it. This is Rachel Berry I'm talking to, why did I think that she wouldn't try and get the information to the second part of her questions. I still remain quiet because I really don't want to admit what she wants to know. Taking another step towards me she starts threatening stripping me again. Defiantly I just stare at her daring her to try and strip me.

After another minute of our stare down she jumped me. We started rolling on my bed fighting for dominance. I refuse to let her look at the cuts and like hell she can overpower me. The thing I really wasn't counting on was the fact that Rachel really was in shape. How would I be able to tell under all those hideous clothing that she wears that do nothing to help her figure? What really surprised me was that after a minute of wrestling she had me pinned with both of my hands held over my head with one of her hands.

"Now I am going to look at your arms if you don't tell me what I want to know. This is your last chance to answer the question or I go looking for the cuts."

Sighing I resign myself to just telling her because I really don't want her to see them. Softly I mumble, "I haven't done anything with them. I don't know if they need anything or not. I haven't even looked at them since I found out that I had cut."

"What do you mean you haven't looked at them since you found out you cut? You don't remember cutting?"

"No I did it in a drunken stupor. I was too ashamed to look at them, and I really didn't care if they got infected or not."

Rachel just stared at me with sadness in her eyes. "San we need to check them and make sure they are ok, and next time you find out that you cut while you're drunk you have to promise me that you will check them. Now where are they?"

"My arms."

Slowly she lifted the sleeve of my sleeve and gasps. I guess I had cut more than I thought I had. Looking down at my arm for the first time I saw ten fresh cuts. Luckily none of them looked infected. Rachel dragged her hand down them in shock that they were there. Then she lifted the sleeve on my other arm and saw that there were no new cuts but enough scars if you look close enough. "I'm going to let you go now. Do you have any antiseptics in your bathroom?" I nod my head and she carefully removed herself from me to walk to my bathroom. I just look down because I'm too ashamed at myself I can't even bring myself to look at my arm again.

When Rachel walked out of my bathroom she was carrying some random antiseptics, and some bandages. She gently set to work at cleaning my wounds and then wrapped them. "Santana, I need you to know that I care about you, and that you can talk to me about anything. With that being said I'm not going to make you promise me not to cut again, because I know that is something that no one can every live up to, so I just want you to promise me that you will call me if you feel the urge to cut. Then maybe we can talk about it. Also, if you still feel the urge I will know what's going on and try and make sure nothing is too deep or that you will end up killing yourself."

I just nod to this.

"No, San, a nod won't suffice here. I need you to actually say that you will try and at least call me."

"I'll at least try." I still too ashamed to look at her.

Taking my head in her hand again she lifts my head looks me in the eyes and says, "Thank you Santana. I care about you remember that. Ok now enough with the heavy stuff feel like another movie?" We spent the rest of the morning watching more movies out of my horror collection. I don't know why but it felt good to have someone else with me in this house. I even noticed that Rachel isn't as annoying as she normally is once you get her out of school and calm her down.

When it passed into the afternoon she got a text from her dads asking her to come home. It was weird I was sad to hear that she was leaving but I'm Santana Lopez and I can deal with being alone, and I know that if I need her I could always call Rachel. I walk Rachel to the door to say goodbye. "Hey San give me your phone." She plugged in her number and called herself to make sure that we had each other's numbers. "So you can reach me," she says handing me back my phone. "Oh and San, eat something I haven't seen you eat since I got here. Also, know I will answer my phone at any time so don't hesitate to call me." With that she turned around and walked out of my house and to her car. Slowly I just closed the door and walked back up to my room to continue the movie marathon.

AN: Thank you for reading I really appreciate it. Please review it makes me feel so loved. Also, if anyone knows bad names I'm still in need of them. Thank you again.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Thank you to all of you who read and review it means a lot to me. Just to let you know texts are in bold.

Disclaimer: I don't own glee.

Chapter 8

When I got back upstairs I just plopped down on my bed and continued playing whatever movie Rachel and I were in the middle of. It didn't take long for me to get bored and tired of looking at the TV. I had spent all of yesterday and most of today just laying around and hiding from the world. I just can't do it anymore. I pull out my laptop and log into Facebook. No new notices or messages, well of course not. I'm not actually friends with these people. They don't want to actually talk to me or include me in their lives. They just want to be my friend on Facebook so they can use it to boost their popularity. That's all I am to most people just something to boost popularity. The one person I never was that too just crushed my heart for the fun of it. No stop thinking about Brittney. Rachel just took you away from the dark place you don't want to go back there now.

Whatever I'll just check on every bodies feeds. Mike and Tina are just posting all about their date and rubbing in the fact that they are in love. 'Well goodie for you. Go make little Asian babes and leave us all alone.' Then there was Puck going on about the party that he had thrown last night. Everyone from glee was commenting on it. 'So apparently everyone from glee went to the party besides me and Rachel because we weren't even invited. Ever since Puck started going after the Whit Rhino our friendship really started to suffer. Now he barely talks to me and doesn't even invite me to glee gatherings. 'Whatever I don't need Puck anyways.' Quinn – party, Mercedes – party, Sam – party, Lauren – party, 'stupid party'. Ok Kurt, not mentioning a party, what did he do? Blaine, of course he hung out with Blaine because he gets to be gay and have his crush, crush back on him. Finn is making some stupid reference about trying to decide if he wants Quinn or Rachel. 'Yeah lets bitch because I have two hot girls wanting me and I can't choose between them.' Finally I stumble across Artie and Brittney. 'Nope really don't want to read about them at a party, or on a date, or just contemplating about one another, or anything to do with either of them. 'Now I feel like crap. Why did I even go on Facebook to begin with? Oh yeah that's right I thought hiding was a bad idea. No peeping out of my hole was.'

Frustrated I close my laptop and push it away from me. Everyone in my life can go along just fine without me. Hell most of them really don't want to be in my life as it is. There goes the somewhat ok mood that Rachel had helped to put me in. 'God I really wish I hadn't drunken all of the booze that my dad owns I could really use a drink right about now.' Then my phone started to ring and there was my dad calling. He is just probably calling to tell me he will be home soon. "Hey papi."

"Hey sweet girl. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine." He really doesn't need to know how I'm truly doing. It's not like he is actually asking to know it's just a formality.

"That's good. I was just calling to tell you that my conference has gotten extended so I'm going to be away for a while longer. I really don't know how much longer, but I put enough money in your account to get you through till I'm home. If you need anything you know how to get in touch with me. Love you." and with that he was gone.

Damn I really was hoping he would be coming home soon. I miss him; also he would liven up this house a bit. When he was here I never thought of my problems; he would always keep me so busy and having fun that I would never have time to think let alone sink into any kind of depression. Lately he was never home. H was always either at the hospital, off doing talks, or in some conference or another. I would get to see him maybe once a month if I was lucky. With those thoughts the tears come storming back. I really am alone. I can think of nothing better to do than bury myself back into my bed.

I stay just like that for hours. Crying because the people in my life that are supposed to be there and love me don't, and the person I love doesn't love me. Try as hard as I might I can't clear my mind. I can't empty it of these hurtful thoughts. 'Great now even my mind has turned against me.' That's when I hear my phone chime right next to me, telling me I have a new text. The first one that I have gotten this entire weekend.

**Hey San, just texting to make sure you are still doing ok.**

Leave it to Rachel to know when I would need her. Truthfully I have been thinking about either calling or texting her for a while, but I didn't want to face the possibility that she really didn't want to talk to me. I mean she could have just been being nice and polite. Knowing Rachel that's exactly what she would do, and she was just dreading if I actually tried to make contact. But I also should know by now that Rachel always means what she says so I should always feel safe to text her. With a sigh of relief I just text back, **Hey Rachel truthfully I have to say I hate my mind.**

**Why?**

**It likes to try and convince me that I'm alone.**

**Well we know that's not true. You have me. I thought we cleared that up. What changed?**

**It doesn't matter. Just distract me. What are you doing right now?**

**Besides talking to you I'm still trying to figure out what to sing for glee. What about you? Have you made any progress? **

**No I haven't even thought about it.**

**Like I said I know a really good song for you.**

Generally I would scoff at singing a song that Rachel chose but that's because that is what I'm supposed to do. I also have to admit that I usually like the songs she picks. It would also give me something to do and I wouldn't have to go through a whole bunch of angsty songs to try and find one for glee. That could really end up badly. **Send me the title I'll look it up on YouTube and see if I like it.**

**By the way Rachel if you can't find a song you could always write one. It might even help make people believe we should do original songs for regionals.**

**Thanks San, I will try that. Here's the song I think you should try.**

**Have a good night. Remember I'm always available to you at any time.**

Strangely enough I felt a tiny bit better after my talk with Rachel. I spend the rest of the night listening and singing to the song Rachel suggested. I have to admit it really did describe how I was feeling, at least in regards to Brittney.

AN: Please leave some love in the form of reviews. They make me feel giddy inside when I see and read them.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Thank you to all of you who review, favorite, and alert. It means so much to me to know that you all love this story. An especial thanks to theevilsmurf88 for names for Artie.

Disclaimer: I don't own glee or the song.

Chapter 9

Moaning I roll over and switch off my alarm that was blaring telling me it was time to get up and get ready for school. I really don't want to go. After spending all weekend hidden away the idea of poking my head out let alone dealing with everybody scares me. But I know that I have no choice. I need to go to school because I have a test and I know that if I don't show up Rachel will come looking. So I either deal with things now or when she finds me and drags me out. 'Damn after only one day that girl has me thinking about her in reference to me. It's sad that I know how she would react if I didn't show up. It's even sadder that I actually care. I suppose it's because I know I need someone in my life that cares. I don't know if Rachel truly will be that person for me but I might as well try and see what happens.

Quickly I jump into the shower and start my routine. Everything was going smoothly, I mean taking a shower is mindless, that is until it came time for shaving. 'I can use a razor without cutting. I don't need to stop shaving to prevent myself from cutting. I just have to be careful to not cut myself while shaving.' Taking a deep breath I reach for my razor and slowly and carefully get to work. I finished with no mishaps and jumped out of the shower and continued with my morning routine. I still really didn't care about my appearance so I just threw on some jeans and another comfy shirt, some light make-up and set out for school.

When I pulled up in my spot at school I really did not want to leave the comfort and safety of my car. After Friday I know all the sheep are going to be gossiping and may have the courage to speak to me and I really don't want to deal with that. I just want to go to my classes, take my test, sing my song, and then leave to go back to the comfort and loneliness of my house. Sighing I grab my stuff; I might as well face this now and get to my classroom. It will only get worse the longer I delay.'

I was just going to drop off some of my books, but my plans changed as soon as I saw what was waiting for me by my locker. There leaning against my locker with her eyes closed was the one person I really had no interest in seeing. Quickly before the tall blonde opened her beautiful blue eyes I turned on my heel and just headed to my class. I will put up with all these books if it means I don't have to talk to her yet.

The classroom was empty when I got there, so I just pulled out my ipod and turned it on to a random shuffle. I staid there listening to my music with my head on the desk waiting for class to start until I felt a poke on my shoulder. Lifting my head I saw the one person I actually was somewhat glad to see. Rachel was standing there clutching her binder to her chest and looking down at me with what had to be care in her big doe eyes. Taking my ear buds out, to indicate I would listen if she started to talk; I looked up at her expectantly. "Hey San. How are you doing today?"

"I'm here. Can I do something for you?" I really don't want to be mean to Rachel but I also just want to be left alone right now.

Rachel just continued to look at me with understanding in her eyes and said, "Just seeing how you are doing. Also, I was wondering how you were doing on the song for glee?"

"You were right that song was perfect, but right now I want to be left alone." With that I put my ear buds back in a faced towards the front of the room. Out of the corner of my eye I see Rachel take the empty seat next to me. That seat is usually vacant but I guess Rachel wants it to be able to keep an eye on me. Soon after Rachel took her seat the teacher came in and started class. I made myself promise to pay attention to class today to make up for Friday. But still all throughout class I kept feeling Rachel's eyes flitting to me.

When class was over I was hurriedly packing up my stuff so I could get to calc and finish preparing for the test I had in there. Rachel, though, was faster at packing up, and when I was done I looked up and saw her standing over me again. "Can I help you Rachel?"

"I was just wondering if you would mind if I walked you to your next class."

"And why do you want to do that?"

"Because I want to spend some time with you so you know that I'm not going anywhere."

I really didn't have time to argue with Rachel about her walking with me and frankly I wasn't put off by the idea. "You know what; I really don't care if you want to walk by me. Just remain quiet I'm going over formulas in my head to prepare for my test."

With that we walked towards my calc class in silence. The crowds in the hallways parted for me like they always do, but this time there was even more ogling and gossiping then there was this morning. I realized quickly this was the first time the school saw mea and Rachel together and being civil. Maybe I should have thought of the consequences of walking with Rachel beforehand. 'Oh well it's already been done and I just really couldn't give a damn.'

When we reached my class Rachel looked up at me and said, "Good luck on your test. I hope you do well. I will see you at lunch." And with that she left without even waiting for my response. Shaking my head I wondered in to my class and finished getting ready for my test.

The calc test was pretty easy. Math has always been fairly easy for me. I continued on to English determined not to let my mind wander this time around. I was determined to be the best student possible, at least until I could control where my mind wondered off to. With this plan in motion English just flew by. Much too soon it was time for lunch.

I was not going to go to the cafeteria. That is where Brittney and Sit and Spin are and I really don't want to see them. For a while I wondered where I would go. Then I remembered the quiet and calm that I had experienced in the auditorium on Friday and I wanted that again. I quickly headed there just yearning for the peace that I knew I was about to acquire. As soon as I entered the empty room I immediately felt peace and calm that was emanating from the place. I took the seat I was in on Friday and just reclined, closing my eyes, and letting the peace enter me.

I was startled out of my calm state with a tap on my shoulder. Looking up I saw Rachel. 'I swear whenever I look around I see her. She always seems to be watching me. "Gezz Rachel scare me why don't you. What are you doing here? I thought you would be with the other gleeks eating in the cafeteria."

"Well I told you I was spending lunch with you."

"Ok. How did you find me?"

"I saw you in here on Friday and I figured you would be here again." Sitting down she reached into her bag. "I would have been here sooner but I had to wait to get this." With that she pulled out a to go box from Breadstix and handed it to me. I just looked at her gob smacked.

"How did you get this? They don't deliver."

"I know but once I mentioned your name they were more than willing to do it. They are quite scared of you Santana. I also made sure they put extra breadsticks in there. Now eat, it doesn't look like you have eaten in a while." With that Rachel pulled out her own lunch, and there we sat, in silence, eating our lunches till the bell rang. Truthfully I was really glad that Rachel brought me food because I had lost my appetite and hadn't eaten since Thursday, but with this food right in front of me and smelling so good I couldn't help but eat it all.

When lunch ended we got up and she walked me to my next class. "I'll see you in glee." After saying that she turned and left once again not waiting for any response. Psychology passed by in a flash and before I knew it, it was time for glee and time for me to sing.

Yet again I was the first person to glee because I had nowhere and no one to dilly dally with. Rachel was the next person to enter and instead of sitting in her usual seat up front she took the seat right next to me. "Santana after glee I require your presence at my house. I need your help with something, and I will not accept no for an answer."

"What could you possible need my help for?"

"You'll see when we get to my house." Knowing better than to argue with her I just nod my head to let her know I was coming over.

Soon all the rest of the glee kids entered and took their seats. When Brittney entered she quickly looked for me, but when she saw that there were no seats open by me her face fell and she went to go sit by Wheels. I suppose my avoiding her was hurting her but I needed to take care of myself before I helped her. It still hurt though. Rachel quickly placed her hand on my shoulder to try and give me some comfort. Then in walked Schue.

"Ok everybody who is ready to preform today?" Everybody just sat there looking at everyone else. "Really no one? Rachel?"

"I'm sorry I still need a little bit of time, but I think Santana is ready."

"Santana are you ready?" Schue asked.

Sending a glare Rachel's way I nod my head.

"Alright then come on up and sing."

Standing I grab a stool and place it in front of everybody and then walked over to give Brad the sheet music for my song selection. Then I took my seat on the stool, fixing my eyes on Brittney I nodded my head and let the piano start.

**Hands touch eyes meet**

**Sudden silence sudden heat**

**Hearts leap in a giddy whirl**

**He could be that boy **

**But I'm not that girl**

**Don't dream too far**

**Don't lose sight of **

**Who you are**

**Don't remember that rush of joy**

**He could be that boy**

**I'm not that girl**

**Every so often we long to steal**

**To the land of what might have been**

**But that doesn't soften the ache we feel **

**When reality sets back in**

**Blithe smile, lithe limb**

**She who's winsome**

**She wins him**

**Gold hair with a gentle curl**

**That's the girl he chose**

**And heaven knows**

**I'm not that girl**

**Don't wish **

**Don't start**

**Wishing only wounds the heart**

**I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl**

**There's a girl I know**

**He loves her so**

**I'm not that girl**

After the song finished there were tears in both mine and Brittney's eyes. Everyone else, besides Rachel, looked confused.

"That's a great song Santana," Mr. Schue said, "can you tell us why you chose it?"

"No I won't." With that I grabbed my things and raced out of glee with Rachel hot on my heels.

AN: Thanks for reading. The song is I'm not that girl from the musical Wicked song by Idina Menzel. Please feel free to send me love in the form of reviews they mean so much to me.


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Thank you for the review, favorites, and alerts. They mean a lot to me. I'm also glad that you guys liked the song choice for Santana. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.

Chapter 10

There I am starring at Brittney as I bear my soul to her and the entire glee club. I can't help it when tears come to my eyes. My heart is just breaking while singing this song, because it means I'm excepting the reality that Brittney truly does not want me. That my love isn't enough for her. When I see the tears come to Brittney's eyes my heart, which I thought couldn't be hurt anymore, feels like there are a thousand knifes tearing through it.

I'm just relieved when I sing out the last note. It means that I can go sit down and not look at Brittney any longer. 'I can hide now.' What I was not expecting was Schue to question me on my song choice. I was not prepared to tell him, let alone the entire club, that Santana Lopez made herself vulnerable and was crushed by a fellow glee clubber, and I certainly was not ready to tell them that it was Brittney, and that I was gay. When he asked me I had no idea of what to do, so I did the one thing I had been doing since that horrific Thursday. I ran. I grabbed my stuff and booked it out of there.

The next thing I knew I was standing by my car, and unlocking it. I was getting out of there. Screw glee, I can't be there for another minute with all those people looking at me and asking questions. I didn't hear the little one behind me until there was a very high pitched, very loud, "Santana!" Turning around I saw the munchkin that has been by my side anytime she could be today, following me.

"What do you want Rachel?"

"Well for one I want to make sure that you are doing ok?"

"I just exposed myself to people who hate me! Not only did I just expose myself through song but they then wanted me to tell them why and I just can't do that! I can't give them that power over me!"

"I completely understand. I think it was out of line for Mr. Schuester to ask you to explain why you chose that song. It is obvious what it is about and for him to ask you why you chose it was wrong."

Tired I slumped against the door of my car. "Was there a second to why you followed me or can I go home now?"

"Yes there was a second thing. The fact that you agreed to come to my house after glee. Seeing as you just left glee I'm assuming then that means that glee is over and it's time to go to my house. I was kind of hoping for a lift there since Finn drove me to school today. And I'm still not taking no for an answer even after you song's reception in glee.

'That girl just never gives up.' Shaking my head, for what seemed like the millionth time today, I gestured for Rachel to get into my car while I myself climbed in. turning on my car I turn to Rachel, "You know I'm going to need directions to you house. I really never have been there. I never went with the rest of the cheerios when they went and messed with your house." I don't know why I just told her that, but it felt important that I did. It also looked like she was glad to hear it based on the smile that crept on her face while I was saying it. After that I pulled my car out of the parking lot. We spent the entire drive in silence besides for Rachel giving me directions to her house and the radio playing in the background. I do have to admit that I was surprised that Rachel left my radio alone and just sat there bobbing her head to the music.

Five minutes after starting my car I found myself pulling up in the Berry's driveway. I never thought that I would be here. Grabbing our stuff we get out of my car and head towards her house. When she opened the door and ushered me through I couldn't help but look around. I didn't know that a house could make you feel safe and welcomed the moment you walked in, but her's somehow managed to do it. The walls were painted warm colors and one of the first things you see is a happy family portrait, letting everyone know that even if you don't like their lifestyle they are still happy to be with one another. Looking around I see more pictures of the family, some were professionally taken, most though are from trips that they have taken. They really like to spend time with one another.

Grabbing my hand Rachel pulls me up the steps towards her room. 'Of course there would be a big gold star on her door. She has to make sure everyone knows that she is a star.' Upon entering her room I was shocked. I was expecting it to be covered in either, yellow or pink, a whole bunch of Broadway posters, and a whole bunch of childish things. I definitely was not expecting what I did see. There still was the Broadway poster, but the walls were a dark brown, with accents of a deep crimson and gold. A huge bed took up most of the room, the bed was facing a TV, against the wall was a desk with her laptop on top of it, and finally in the corner was her elliptical.

"I know. You weren't expecting this to be my room right? Were you expecting pink and childish?" All I could do was nod my head. "I have to admit it used to be like that but when Kurt came over and said my room looked like it was where Strawberry Shortcake and Holly Hobby came to hook up I knew it was time to change, so I transformed it to this."

"I have to say that it is a nice room. I could easily see myself being able to relax in here. Now with that being said what did you need my help with so I can do it and go home."

"Well go and sit down and then I will tell you." Gently I took a seat on her bed. I was only planning on sitting on it but it was so damn comfortable that I couldn't help myself and I just lay back among all the pillows making myself ridiculously comfortable. I looked up when I heard a stifled giggle. "Make yourself comfortable why don't you?"

"Hey, if I'm being forced to be here I might as well make myself as comfortable as possible. Now quite stalling and tell me why I'm here."  
>"Well on Sunday after we talked I really started thinking about what you said and I figured you are right. Because I can't find a song that really explains what I'm feeling and because I want people to take my idea for original songs seriously I decided to write one for this assignment. So I brought you here to listen to my song and tell me what you think about it."<p>

Nodding my head to gesture for her to start the song I make myself even more comfortable. She was just about to start the song when we heard the front door open and close. "Hey girls, I brought home dinner."

"Thanks dad." Rachel shouts back down to him. "We will be down in a minute."

"Girls? Rachel, how did he know that I was going to be here?"

"I might have told him this morning that I was bringing you home with me tonight. I also, might have told him to bring home dinner, full of meat. Just for you."

"How did you know that I would come with you today?"

"If you hadn't agreed I would have kidnapped you and brought you hear myself. Don't forget we already know that I can dominate you so I figured getting you here wouldn't be that big of a problem."

"Wow presumptuous much?"

"Whatever lets go get dinner."

"Rachel I can't meet you dads! They are going to hate me. I have tormented you since I have met you. Granted I do regret it but I haven't been able to apologize to you for it and I know your dads aren't going to forgive me for everything that I have done!"

"Relax San I know you feel bad for everything. I wouldn't be helping you if you didn't. And I except your apology. Now let's go eat."

"Wait how did you know that I have been feeling bad?"

"We have to finish this discussion before we go eat don't we?"

"Yes!"

"Fine, I know you have been feeling bad because I know your masks. You always wear the someone when you were tormenting me, but once you turned to leave I would always see the sadness in your eyes for having to do what you just did. I also know you only did it because of Sue. So I forgive you."

"You've known all of that from the beginning?"

"Of course. I can read you Santana. You're not as great a poker player as you think you are."

"Ok fine, that takes care of the apology, but I still have to worry about your dads."

"No you don't. I never named you as one of the bullies because I knew you didn't like to bully. Now some of the other cheerios have something to worry about, but not you. Now can we go eat, I am actually hungry."

"If you can promise your dads aren't going to kill me once I walk down there than fine."

"I promise, and people say I'm a drama queen." Rachel states while laughing and pulling me down the stairs.

AN: The dinner with Rachel's dads is coming up in the next chapter. How do you think that dynamic is going to go? I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and if you did please show me the love by leaving a review telling me what you guys did like so I can do more and what you guys didn't like so I might stay away from it. But there is no promise that I will change things if you don't like it.


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Thank you to all of you who leave reviews, favorite this story, and alert to it. It always makes me smile when I see those little notifications.

Disclaimer: I don't own glee

Chapter 11

To say I was scared to walk down those stairs and meet one of Rachel's dads would be an understatement. Mortified would probably be a more accurate term. Even though Rachel had just told me her fathers had no idea of the role I played in making their angel's life hell at school I am still extremely nervous. Parents and I have never really gotten along. Quinn's would barely let me in their house, Puck's mom would barely acknowledge me, and Brittney's, well they kind of like me, but only because they knew I would always protect her. 'No stop thinking about Brittney. That's why Rachel brought you here, to take your mind off of her. Anyways it's not like she needs you to protect her now, she has him.'

I was pulled out of my own mind by the insistent tugging on my hand pulling me towards the stairs looking up I just see Rachel's smiling face, and for some reason that image calmed me down. Letting a small smile of my own creep across my face I let Rachel lead me down the stairs. That smile though quickly faded when I reached the bottom of the stairs to come face to face with Rachel's dad. To say this man was intimidating was an understatement. Apparently he bought into the stereotype of all gay men working out because the man in front of me was a beast. Standing in front of me was a very large, very muscular 6'5" tall black man.

"Dad! How was work today?" Rachel exclaimed launching herself into the man's arms as if she hadn't just seen the man just this morning.

"Hey babygirl. Work was good, but I'm not interested in discussing my day. I am more curious to know this young woman that you have brought into my house."

Stepping forward and swallowing my fears I hold out my hand, "It is nice to meet you Mr. Berry."

He just stands there and looks at my hand. After a couple of seconds of him just staring at me as if I had gone insane I can't help but to wilt with his glare. As I start to shrink back I see Rachel punch him in the arm. "Dad stop scaring her."

The next second, and I can't believe it was happening, the very scary and intimidating man just busted out laughing. "I'm sorry baby I couldn't help it. She just looks so scared I had to mess with her. Sorry Ms.? What do I call you?"

Just standing there red in the face, I'm sure, I gape at him. Did he seriously just give me a heart attack just for the fun of it? Getting shaken out of my revere by Rachel nudging me I blurt out, "Santana you can call me Santana."

"And I am Leroy. Not Mr. Berry. There are two of us in this house and if you were to start calling us that we would get so confused that I really must insist that you call me Leroy. Now I see where Rachel gets all her long winded paragraphs from. "Rach your father is going to be home in just a minute, so why don't you guys set up the table for dinner and hopefully by the time that you guys are done he will be here and then we can dig into all this wonderful food that I brought home with me. By the way Santana I hope you enjoy Chinese because that is what we are having." With that he handed the bag to Rachel to take into the kitchen.

Quickly Rachel grabbed my hand, with her free hand, again and led me into the kitchen. 'Boy she really likes to grab my hand doesn't she? The strange thing is that it is not bothering me that she is doing it.' When we arrived in the kitchen Rachel automatically let go of my hand and started gathering things that she knew that we would need for dinner. Shoving the plates into my hands, "Go make use of yourself and put these on the table." 'Jeez she can really be bossy. Why am I doing what she wants me to do? Normally I would just scoff and make her do it herself while I watch, so why is this happening now?' Grumbling I just set to work placing the plates around the table while she came behind me placing the silverware next to the dishes. When that was done Rachel than placed all the food on the table in a rather decorative way.

As soon as we were done with setting the table in walked Mr. Berry, sorry Leroy, and walking right next to him must have been his husband Hiram. Now Hiram was smaller than Leroy, in fact he was closer to my height. You could tell though that he worked out also, he wasn't nearly as built as his husband, he had a more lean look to him, but there didn't seem to be an ounce of fat on that man. For that I have to say that I am jealous. Suddenly I was nervous all over again. Now I have to face down the second of Rachel's fathers. 'Better get this over with as soon as possible.' Stepping forward I extend my hand again, "Hello Mr. Berry I'm Santana Lopez." All I received for that was a slightly raised eyebrow.

"Did you not tell her that calling us Mr. Berry is going to get confusing?" Hiram said glancing towards his hubby.

"I did but it seems that she just doesn't listen too well." Leroy replies shaking his and letting out a mock sigh.

Turning back to me, "Santana it is very nice to meet you but please call me Hiram. The only time I would want you to call me Mr. Berry is when bust you for something."

"I can promise sir there will never be…."

"Daddy, stop scaring Santana. You know she is already scared as it is you don't need to add to it. Sorry Santana they think they are so hilarious and don't know when to back off." Rachel states coming to my rescue. Looking over at the men I can see them both trying to hide their growing smiles at freaking out their daughter's new friend. "OK enough of that. Let's sit down and eat I'm hungry."

Taking our seat I end up sitting across from Rachel with her fathers flanking my sides at the table. "I have to say Santana I am rather grateful to have you hear. It is a very rare thing that Rachel will let us have any kind of meat product in our house. Even when that oaf that she calls a boyfriend comes to dinner we still have vegan approved meals. I personally love meat but she won't let us have it in the house without having someone special over to eat it themselves." Leroy states. I can't help but start to laugh at the word choice that he used in regards to Finn.

"Dad I must insist that you stop calling Finn an oaf! It really is unfair to him."

"I'm sorry honey but it fits. And you don't let us call him anything else."

"Because he is not any of those things that you call him."

"Babe he tried to open our sliding door by pulling on it more than one time. If that isn't an oafish thing to do I can't think of what is?" Hiram chimes in. I can't help but laugh at the image of Finn standing front of their sliding door and complaining to Rachel about not being able to pull open the door.

"I will admit that it was a silly thing to do but he really is a great guy."

"I'll believe that when I see it," Leroy mutters under his breath. "Santana tell us a little about yourself. You're in glee with Rachel right?"

"Yes sir, I am."

"Well I have to say your rendition of Valerie at sectionals was amazing. You have such a wonderful voice."

"Thank you." I really can't say anymore. Parents really don't put me at ease and I can't seem to manage more than just a few words at a time. Sensing my unease Rachel took over the conversation regaling her father about her day while we all ate.

Dinner continued on in that manner, with Rachel and her fathers talking to one another and me just listening in and every now and then offering my own input. When dinner was over I helped Rachel clean up and made to leave to go to my own house. Grabbing my backpack from upstairs I was met at the door by all three Berrys. "Santana it was great to meet you. I hope you can come over again and I promise there is no reason to be nervous around us." Leroy states. 'Yup Rachel got her lack of tact from him to it would seem.' Smiling at them I made for the door knowing that Rachel would follow me out.

Once I reached my car I turned to say goodbye to Rachel. "Thanks for everything today. I needed a way to distract myself from what happened today."

"I figured you would. I had a feeling glee wouldn't be good to you today." I turned to open my door and climb in only to turn back around when I heard Rachel, "You know I was being serious when I said you can count on me, and I really meant it I want you to call me if you ever need to talk."

"I know Rach and I will." I was in my car and starting it when I Rachel knocked on my window. "Yes?"

"You called me Rach."

I hadn't even realized I had done that. "Sorry, it just slipped out."

"No don't be sorry I liked it. Feel free to use it more often. Now take care of yourself and I will see you tomorrow." With that she turned on her heels and walked back to her house, while I pulled out of her driveway and started towards my own house.

AN: Sorry guys I really had a hard time writing this chapter. It really did not want to be written. Hopefully I can do better with the next one. Please leave some love.


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Thank you to all of you who leave reviews, favorite this story, and alert to it. It always makes me smile when I see those little notifications.

Disclaimer: I don't own glee

Chapter 12

It's weird to say it but I had a slight smile on my face when I walked into school today. Yesterday I was able to tell Brittney, even if it was only through song how I felt, I made progress on my friendship, acquaintance, with Rachel and I actually made a good impression with someone's parents. Singing that song in glee was very therapeutic. My heart is still broken and I am still in immense pain but it is less than it had been the day before. It's weird to think that not even a week after having it trampled on I am already starting to feel better. I know it's still going to be a long time before I am fully healed but I'm glad to say that at least the healing process has begun. I actually feel like I can concentrate on my classes without constantly trying to remind myself to concentrate on my classes.

The day went by fine. Classes were extremely easy to focus on and my thoughts never once wandered off towards Brittney. Rachel ended up sitting by my in history again. She just sat there and took notes but I could always feel her presence and it helped to relax me. We ate lunch together in the auditorium again. This time we just talked about how are days were going and what she had planned for glee.

"As you very well know I'm going to perform an original song and I think it really is going to make people actually consider the idea of doing original songs for regionals."

"I have to say I can't wait to hear the song. I just wish I had heard it yesterday, but I guess I can be surprised with the rest of glee." I don't know why but Rachel was easily putting me at ease. She wasn't the annoying little dwarf that I had previously thought that she was. Granted I am not ready to completely open up and trust her, but if she wants to hang out at lunch and just talk about meaningless stuff than I can do that. Anyways it's a good way to keep me distracted from the thought of Brittney and Artie laughing and feeding one another right now.

When lunch was almost over we packed up what Rachel had brought us to eat, because she was still worried that I wouldn't eat if she didn't force the food on me, which might actually be true seeing as I had lost my appetite, and headed off to our different classes. My psychology class continued to keep occupied; I am who doesn't find serial killers fascinating. I was almost sad when class had ended but than that meant only glee before I got to go home, and I would finally get to hear this original song that Rachel had written.

I headed to my locker first though, because frankly I was tired of carrying around all of my books. They seriously were starting to hurt my back. When I rounded the corner to get to my locker I was meet with what I had seen there the previous two days. Brittney was there leaning against my locker. 'You got two options Lopez you can run like the wuss you have become, or you could march up to your own locker and be Santana fucking Lopez.' Taking a deep breath I started moving towards my locker, like hell I was going to let Brittney run me away again. When I got to my locker I didn't even acknowledge that Brittney was there and just opened to door to put away the entire book that have been screwing up my back. Just when I thought that I would be able to make it away from my locker without actually having to talk to her, Brittney gently closed my locker and turned to face me. 'Damn.'

"Santana. Can we please talk?"

"I really don't think there is anything that we need to talk about." Finally I look up to see into her eyes and all I could see there was hurt and pain.

"You know that's not true. We haven't really talked since Thursday and I know you. I know people here don't think I'm the smartest person, but you know that I understand people. And out of all those people I understand you the most. I know that you hide when you are in pain, that you drink, and that you do stupid things that you shouldn't do when you are both in pain and drinking. I'm worried about you and I really want to talk about that song in glee."

"I said all I wanted to say about the song in glee, and you really don't know a thing about me." It was killing me that she was standing there bringing up the fact that she knows my past and that she knows I have probably reverted back to it. What right does she have to even bring it up and think that I would want to talk to her about it? The last time I told her how I was feeling and let myself be vulnerable around her she crushed me. I'm not ready to open myself back up to that possibility and definitely not with her. "Now if that's all that you wanted to say I have to go to class, I don't want to be late."

"No that's not all that I have to say and we are going to talk about this, and we are going to talk about this right now. I'm tired of you running from me."

"To bad, because I really don't care." Turning around I started to head for my class when I felt myself be lifted up in the air. "What the hell are you doing Brittney? I already told you I don't feel like talking to you."

"Like you just said I don't care. We are going to talk about this even if it means that I have to kidnap you to do it."

"You are not going to kidnap me. What you are going to do is put me down and walk away from me. I have no intention of talking with you and right now I really don't even want to be around you." I yelled while struggling against the tight hold that Brittney had me in.

My struggling did nothing to Brittney. After years of Cheerios flailing limbs did little to disturb her. Brittney just continued to walk with me in her arms out of school and towards her car. "I'm going to put you down now and open my car and you are going to get in the car. Don't try and run because you already know that I can beat you and just force you in the car anyways." Groaning I just slump down because I know this is true and when Brittney gets like this she doesn't stop until she gets what she wants. She put me down and unlocked the door waiting right in front of me until I opened the door and crawled in and buckled up. She moved over to the driver's seat and started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. Of course all of this had happened without any one seeing because normally as soon as that damn school bell rings the grounds become deserted.

"What about glee?"

"Honestly after yesterday I have had enough of glee and could use a little bit of time away from them. And having this conversation with you is more important than going to glee."

"Are you going to tell me where you're taking me?"

"I thought we could go to the park. Do you want to go somewhere else?"

"Yeah glee or anywhere that's not with you."

"Well that's not an option and stop being bitchy with me." Huffing out a breathe I resigned myself to whatever Brittney wanted. We spent the rest of the drive in an awkward silence. When we reached the park she cut the engine and opened her door and stepped out of the car and waited for me to follow suit. Grumbling I got out of the car and followed her to the swings where we just sat in silence.

"If you're not going to talk I might as well go home right now."

"No you're going to sit there. Why are you so mad at me?"

"Did you not listen to the song that I sang in glee? It perfectly explained what I was feeling."

"I had no idea that's how you truly felt."

"How could you not have known? You pushed me to explore my feeling that I had for you and when I told you that I love you, you told me that you rather have Artie. What did you expect would happen? That you would make me finally come to terms with how I felt, than have my heart ripped apart by you, but we nothing would change between us. That I would sit there and listen to you talk about the boy that you rather be with, watch you snuggle up with him and be all coupley. That you could do that and I would still sit there and be glad when you decide that you want to play with me a little. Well that's not how I do things. I made myself vulnerable to you, and you crushed me. I hope your happy Brittney because you caused all of this and now you have to deal with it." With all of that said I ran towards my house while Brittney just sat there with shock written across her face.

I needed to get away. I needed to be by myself. I needed alcohol. Running into my house I run straight to the liquor cabinet. "Damn I really wish I hadn't already drunk all of the vodka. I just deal with whiskey." I hate whiskey but I rather have that than nothing at all. Opening it up, I start to drown all of my problems in it.

AN: Ok so this chapter kind of got away from me. It grew a mind of its own so I hope you guys still like it. I know this doesn't really stay with Brittney's personality but I believe with all the dodging that Santana has been doing and the song Brittney was finally pushed to the edge and she wanted to confront Santana about what was going on. That is the attitude I believe we would have seen if the scene in Born This Way had been longer. Please review and tell me how you felt about this chapter. Yet again thanks for all the reading and reviews.


	13. Chapter 13

AN: Thank you to all of you who leave reviews, favorite this story, and alert to it. It always makes me smile when I see those little notifications. Texts are bold and the song is in italics.

Disclaimer: I don't own glee

Chapter 13

Rachel's POV

When the bell rang indicating that the school day was over I have to say I was ecstatic. Glee was finally here and I would be able to sing the song that I have worked so hard on. 'When they hear the song I know they will all agree that we need to write and sing original songs for regionals. Also, it will be nice to have Santana finally here the song that I wrote. She was a main inspiration for the song itself and there would be no song if she didn't push me to write one.' With these thoughts Rachel strolled into the choir room and took her usual seat in the front row waiting for all the other glee kids to enter. 'That's a little weird usually Santana beats me here, or at least she has the last couple of times that we had glee. I wonder what is keeping her right now.'

Slowly the room started to fill up with all the other glee kids each taking their respective seats. 'Of course they leave the seats right next to me empty. Even in a room full of people who say that we are a family I am still an outcast, or better yet I am one of the black sheep of the group.' I was startled out of my own thoughts when Mercedes knocked my foot with hers. "Yes Mercedes, what can I help you with?"

"I was just wondering where you have been for lunch the last couple of days. Usually you sit with us in the cafeteria."

"I have been eating at another place the last couple of days. I just kind of wanted to get away from all the noise that the cafeteria has." It wasn't quite a lie. Recently I really have been wanting the peace and quiet that the auditorium affords me but it's not the main reason that I have been staying out of that cafeteria but she doesn't need to know that.

Mercedes was about to answer back when Mr. Schue walked in calling for attention. "Alright everyone, you all ready to sing your hearts out about you guys are feeling right now?"

Looking around I noticed that we were missing people. Santana was not here yet, nor was Brittany, that is strange. 'I know that Santana was planning on coming to glee today the fact the she is not here is really concerning.' "Don't you think that we should wait till rest of the club is here?"

"Normally I would agree Rachel, but I have an appointment that I have to get to after this so we will just start and when they get here we can catch them up. So who wants to go first?"

I sat around listening to Kurt and Mercedes performing not really paying attention. My mind was kept straying off to the fact that Santana was not here. I know she wanted to be here she wanted to hear the song that I wrote.' I didn't even notice that she was not the only one missing from glee today.

"That's was great guys. We only have time for one more song today who else wants to go?" Looking around I noticed that no one else wanted to go so I raised my hand.

"I'm ready to go."

"Alright Rachel, the floor is yours." Handing the written music over to Brad I let him peruse it for a moment before he nods to me telling me that he can play it. Taking a deep breath I nod back at him letting the music of the piano flow over me before I open my mouth and start singing. By the time that I let the last note fall everyone is looking gob smacked at me.

"Wow, Rachel that is an amazing song! Who is it by?" Schue asks me.

"It's an original Rachel Berry song."

"Are you kidding me you wrote that song?" Mercedes yelled out in surprise.

"That song is amazing how come you never told me you could write like that Rachel?" this coming from Finn.

"This is the first song that I have ever written so I didn't know." I explain.

"Rachel if you could write songs like that I think we could actually do what you suggested with using original songs for regionals. Who all agrees with me that we should use Rachel's song for regionals and then write another one to go with it?" Everyone in the room agreed to it with a raise of their hands. "Alright it seems unanimous the only people who didn't say yes are the ones that aren't here so we are doing original songs."

After noticing that Schue had used the plural when talking about the people who weren't here I quickly took a look around trying to figure out who else was missing besides Santana. That's when I noticed that Brittany was also missing in action. Breaking into the ramble that Schue was working himself into, "Does anyone know where Brittany or Santana are?"

"What is up with your sudden concern for Santana anyways?" Finn asks. "You went running after her yesterday and now you're asking about her today?"

"It's of no concern of yours Finn just do you know where either of them is?" With this I fixed my gaze on Artie. Brittany is his girlfriend anyways so he should know where she is or at least why she didn't come to glee.

"Brittany told me that she needed to talk to Santana today and that she wouldn't be coming to glee today," he replied shrugging nonchalantly.

'Crap.' Not even saying another word a quickly grab my bag and race out of school heading for Santana's house. When I reach my car I pull my phone out of my bag planning on calling Santana to make sure that she was ok. Looking down at the phone I realized that I had missed a text. Opening it up I realize that it was from Santana.

**Rach I need you**

'Crap!' Gunning my car I race over to her house. The ride over to her house was the longest five minutes that I have ever lived through. When I reached the house I jumped out of my car and started to pound on her front door. After pounding on it for a minute straight without any kind of response from the other side I started to look for a spare key. Finding one in a plant by the door I quickly open it and rush up the stairs. Running to her room and then into her bathroom.

I pull up short by the sight that awaited me when I finally reached her bathroom. There lay a passed out Santana on the ground with a half empty bottle of whiskey clutched in her hand. On the ground next to her was her phone and razor. Seeing the razor I can't help the sob that escapes me. Reaching down I pull the bottle out of her hand and place it on the top of the counter. With tears streaming down my face I quickly pick up the girl determined that she was at least going to be passed out in her own bed.

Santana stirred in my arms halfway to the bed and by the time that I placed her down on her bed she was awake. Quickly grabbing at me when I tried to pull away she pulled me down on the bed with her and just clung to me for dear life.

"Don't leave me." I heard whispered from the fragile girl's mouth.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"I tried to get ahold of you but you didn't answer."

"I know. I'm so sorry Santana I forgot my phone was on vibrate and it was in my bag. I am so sorry." She did nothing but snuggled deeper into me. "Santana how drunk are you?"

"I would say very."

"Do you want to talk about what happened?"

"Not right now. I can't handle it."

"Ok. What do you need from me right now? What can I do to help?"

"Just sing. Your voice has always soothed me." Holding her tighter I breathe out a sigh. I know she is only telling me these things because she is trashed. Santana would never let herself be this vulnerable with anyone if she wasn't completely gone.

"What song do you want me to sing?"

"The one I was supposed to hear if I had been able to go to glee today."

I just nod and pull her as close as possible before taking a deep breath so I could sing.

_What have I done? _

_Wish I could run _

_Away from this ship going under_

_Just trying to help_

_Hurt everyone else_

_Now I feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders_

_What can you do when your good isn't good enough?_

_When all that you touch tumbles down_

_Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things_

_I just want to fix it somehow_

_But how many times will it take_

_Oh how many times will it take for me? _

_To get it right_

_To get it right_

_Can I start again?_

_With my faith shaken _

_Cause I can't go back and undo this_

_I just have to stay_

_And face my mistakes_

_But if I get stronger and wiser_

_I'll get through this_

_What can you do when your good isn't good enough?_

_And all that you touch tumbles down_

_Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things_

_I just want to fix it somehow_

_But how many times will it take _

_Oh how many times will it take for me?_

_To get it right_

_To get it right_

_So I throw up my fist_

_Throw a punch in the air_

_And except the truth that sometimes life isn't fair_

_Yeah I'll send out a wish_

_Yeah I'll send up a prayer_

_That finally someone will see how much I care_

_What can you do when your good isn't good enough?_

_All that you touch tumbles down_

_Oh, my best intentions keep making a mess of things_

_Just want to fix it somehow_

_But how many times will it take_

_Oh, how many times will it take?_

_To get it right_

_To get it right_

AN: Thanks for reading I hope you all enjoyed it. Please leave a review they make me very happy and make me want to write more. If you guys don't know the song than I'm sadden because it is of course Get it Right sung by Lea Michelle or Rachel Berry.


	14. Chapter 14

AN: Thank you to all of you who leave reviews, favorite this story, and alert to it. It always makes me smile when I see those little notifications. Texts are bold and the song is in italics.

Disclaimer: I don't own glee

Chapter 14

When I woke up I found myself in my bed and very comfortable. Looking around I found Rachel curled up next to me with her arm slung over me. With my mind still being muddled form the use of liquor I couldn't quite understand why she was in bed with me. Than it all crashed back to me. After being ambushed by Brittany I came home and got drunk. Rachel found me in the bathroom brought me to the bed and sang to me. 'It really was a wonderful song.' After she had finished singing I couldn't keep my eyes open and ended up falling asleep. Rachel must have done the same thing. I made to move so I could get some water but Rachel just snuggled deeper into me. 'This feels nice, I feel safe, and loved. Maybe I could get used to having Berry in my bed. What I may be heartbroken but I'm still Santana Lopez and I can definitely still think about drowning that pain with a really hot girl. And who was anyone kidding in trying to make it seem like Rachel was anything but an extremely hot girl.'

I was content to just lay there and soak in the comfort that I was gaining until nature called. Trying as gently as I could I extracted myself from Rachel and padded over to my bathroom. Upon entering I was faced with the razor that was sitting on the counter right by the sink. 'I must have cut again in my drunken stupor.' Quickly checking myself for fresh cuts I was pleased when I only found one new one and it wasn't anything more than a heavy scratch. 'Thank god. I really don't want to fall back into that pit and one misstep was more than enough for me.'

Quickly I finished my business in the bathroom. When I left the bathroom I found Rachel sitting up on the bed looking at me. "Hey have a nice nap?"

"It was actually quiet refreshing. What about yours?"

"Honestly I think I have to say that it was very healing."

"Are you going to talk to me about what happened between you and Brittany, which happened to lead you to drinking and passing out in your bathroom, or am I going to have to drag it out of you like I have been having to do? Because you know I'm going to get the information one way or another, so why don't you just make it easy for both of us and just volunteer the information?"

"I kind of blew up at Brittany. She kept pestering me and then dragged me to a park. No matter what I tried to do she wouldn't let me go till I made myself vulnerable to her again. She just looked so sad when I yelled at her. I think I really hurt her with what I said." I couldn't keep looking at Rachel while saying this. It just killed me that I had hurt Brittany, I feel so ashamed because of it.

Rachel just reached down and gently lifted my head so that she could look me straight in the eyes. "And how do you feel about finally telling her how you feel?"

"I feel bad because I hurt Brittany."

"I can understand that. Did you say anything that was not true? Did you say anything out of spite just to hurt her?"

Shaking my head, "I could never say purposely try to hurt her. I didn't even mean to tell her all that I did say but I just couldn't help myself."

"Then you have nothing to feel bad about. I know making Brittany feel bad can make anyone feel bad, but from what you're telling me she wouldn't let it go until you told her how you feel, it's not your fault that what you feel could hurt her. Now looking past the hurt that you feel for hurting Brittany how else do you feel?"

"Truthfully I feel lighter."

"That would be because you faced the person who hurt you and confronted them. You would have never been able to move on until you had your nice little rant."

"I have to admit it did feel a little bit cathartic after I had said everything."

"Good now maybe the healing can begin. You start to move forward."

"How do you even know all of this?"

"I tend to watch a lot of Dr. Phil."

"Wow! Never repeat that to anyone." I tell her laughing in good nature.

"Hey don't knock Dr. Phil. So what are you going to do about school tomorrow?"

"I don't know. I'm still not ready to deal with seeing Brittany with Robot boy."

"Don't call Artie that!" Rachel laughed while playfully slapping me.

"Fine Wheels than."

"You're hopeless."

"When it comes to names you know it."

"Ok so school, how do you plan on staying away from Brittany until you're ready to be around them?"

"I was thinking just asking her for some space and then spending lunch in the auditorium. I never realized how peaceful it was in there until all this happened."

"Yeah it quite nice in there. Would you mind company during that time?"

"If it's just you than no." I don't know why but Rachel has been a calming presence and she isn't as annoying as I use to think that she was.

"What about glee?"

"I'll just have to suck it up in there and try and stay away from them as much as possible."

"It sounds like a plan than. Will you be ok if I was to go home?"

"Yeah my mental break down has already happened and like I already said I feel lighter."

"Ok than I'm going to head home on one condition."

"And what would that be?"

"You eat something tonight."

Shaking my head and laughing I direct Rachel down stair and out the door promising to eat. After Rachel left I went to the kitchen and grabbed some fruit to fulfill my promise to Rachel and went back up to my room. Throwing in some random movie I settled down for the night.

AN: Thanks for reading I hope you all enjoyed it. Please leave a review they make me very happy and make me want to write more.


	15. Chapter 15

AN: I'm sorry about the wait and the shortness of the chapter writers block is being a bitch, so is life, but I definitely hope to be back to at least updating twice a week next week. Thank you for all of you who review, favorite, and alert it makes my day when I see those.

Disclaimer: I don't own glee

Chapter 15

The next few days just seemed to go by in a bit of a blur. Quickly after waking up the morning after my confrontation with Brittney I had sent her a text asking her for some time alone. I wasn't sure if she would actually let me have it but she did. I only saw her passing in between classes and in glee. None of those times did she even try and talk to me. Because I didn't have to worry about Brittney I was slowly coming back to myself. The HBIC persona was back. I was back to looking my best and having the whole school quake in their shoes when I pass by. The only things that would show from my brief mental lapse is the fact that I still refuse to enter the cafeteria. I still eat in the auditorium; it's become like a new home for me. The other thing is I can't find it in myself to torment Rachel again. I can treat everyone else like sheep and as though they are below me, because let's face it they are, but I can't do that with Rachel.

In fact Rachel has become a permanent fixture in the auditorium for lunch. I have to admit she keeps surprising me. I thought that she would return to the cafeteria and our glee friends but she just keeps coming and eating with me. During lunch we would just sit back and talk. I have to admit that Rachel is actually a pretty cool chick if you get around all those long sentences that she uses. Take her out of glee and she becomes a normal chick. We would just sit there with our lunches and talk about anything and nothing at all. The time in the auditorium was a great way for the both of us to get to know one another. I know I surprised her when I told her that I also enjoyed some musicals and that I had plans to get out of this hick town and go to New York to become a lawyer. She also had some surprises for me. The main one being that even though she was almost convinced that she was going to make it on Broadway and become a huge star, but she still had a backup plan if she doesn't make it to Broadway. What didn't surprise me is that she even had that all planned out. If her plan for Broadway didn't work out she was going to open up her own vegan restaurant and follow out her second passion of cooking. I also have to admit that she really is a great cook. Her cookies are to die for but all the food that I have tasted has just been amazing. I could actually see giving up meat if I got to eat what she made every meal.

Glee has been sooooo much fun. That is the one place where I am still not nearly the old Santana. I can't avoid Brittany and Artie. Brittany it seems has decided to at least draw back at some of the pda that she and sit and spin normally do, but it still hurts. Not nearly as much as it had just a couple of days ago, so I must be getting better. The one thing that really makes glee tolerable is Rachel. We have taken to sitting by each other and she keeps me laughing when I start to look sad. I guess I have been single minded lately that I didn't notice all the distrustful and somewhat disturbed looks that Rachel and I have been receiving from the rest of the club. So taking that into account I really wasn't expecting the inquisition that I walked into today.

Halfway through glee Schue called for all of our attentions. "Ok guys I know that we already wrote our other number for regionals, and by the way it is a great song I really do think we are going to win, but that doesn't mean that you guys can zone out through class. We still need to practice both the song and the choreography for the numbers." Still not getting the reaction that he was looking for, "Ok what is it guys? Why are all of you guys off in your own little worlds or just staring at one another?"

At this Mercedes finally spoke up. "I'm sorry Schue but it's just weird that Santana and Rachel are being nice to one another and there has been no bloodshed between them in days."

"Please Santana is not being nice to Rachel. We know her this is just another trick to hurt and humiliate Rachel. I must say I'm impressed and slightly irritated that I never thought of doing something like that." Quinn states.

"Whoa, if you're trying to hurt my fellow Jew i will not allow that." Puck says standing up and striding towards us. The rest of the club just looks at us with both accusing and hurtful expressions.

All either Rachel or I could do for a couple of minutes was sit there in confusion. I also have to say that I was truly hurt that the club would think I would do something as malicious as that just to hurt someone. I mean I understand that before Brittany I was never that nice to anyone let alone Rachel but I would never have come up with a plan as devious as that to hurt anyone.

"Come on Rachel, you can't be that stupid to actually think that Santana of all people would actually want to be friends with you. She can't stand you and is always doing horrible things to you. Even if she was turning over a new leaf, which I highly doubt she could even do, I can't believe you're stupid enough to forgive her for the shit she pulled on you."

"Enough Finn, I will not have you insulting me or Santana, I will also not allow you to cuss in class." That snapped me out of haze that I was in.

"Ok I'm done. I'm not messing with Rachel. We are becoming friends so just leave us alone. I don't have to explain to you why I am her friend you should just accept it. None of you have a say in if we want to be friends or not now just back off."

"Santana do you actually expect us to believe that you actually just want to be friends with Berry? All you do is use people. You used Finn, Puck, and me. Why would we not just think you are using her for something that we can't even figure out? The only thing you might gain from using her is hurting Finn. Is that what you're doing humiliating Berry and hurting Finn. If that's it than I can't stand around and watch you hurt my boy." Sam interjects with a red face.

"Oh shut up Trouty Mouth. I'm not using her."

"Ok, I'm done. No more yelling and accusing Santana and acting like I'm some naïve fool. I know she isn't using me and that we are actually becoming friends." With that Rachel reached down and grabbed her things and looked at me. Following her lead I quickly grabbed me things getting ready to make a diva storm out with the person that invented them, "Oh and by the way Schue thanks for letting them attack us great job pulling off your teacher duties." Turning on her heel and grabbing my hand we walked out of glee and to my car.

AN: Hopefully that was worth the wait and I hope you guys liked it. Please let me know and send me some love by leaving me a review. I love you all.


	16. Chapter 16

AN: Thank you for all of you who review, favorite, and alert it makes my day when I see those.

Disclaimer: I don't own glee

Chapter 16

It's been a couple of weeks since that fateful day in glee. To say that things are still tense between Rachel, me, and the rest of the glee club is an understatement. There haven't been any more big blowouts like that day. What there has been is silence and glares. Not like I truly care if the idiots in the glee club have stopped talking to me, frankly I kind of like it, but it is taking a toll on Rachel. The glee club had been her only friends for the longest of times. Hell it has even spilled over to Dalton and now Kurt is giving Rachel the silent treatment as well. The loss of Kurt really hurt her because he wouldn't even let her explain what was going on. All he knew was that Rachel and the rest of the glee club had gotten into a fight and she had said some mean things to them, and because he got the information from Mercedes she obviously left out the part that they attacked her first.

It hurts to see Rachel sad knowing that she wouldn't be if it wasn't for me. The glee club is mad at me and think I'm the vicious monster, if we stopped hanging out they would except her back no problem. I kind of wish that she would leave and go make herself happy, she doesn't deserve the pain that this is causing her, but I'm to selfish to actually make her leave. I don't think I could really handle it being alone. And that's exactly what I would be if she was to go make up with the club. Even though it's been weeks and the pain that I feel when I look at Brittney has significantly lessened I still haven't tried to start rebuilding our friendship. If I am to be honest I'm afraid to do that. I really have missed her but I don't really know what damage has been done to our friendship. I'm also afraid that the damage can't be reversed. But I'll just worry about all of that after regionals tomorrow. Right now I have to be focused on that because with the rift in the club right now we have to be even more focused than usual or the rift will show during our set.

"Ok guys," Schue says sweeping into glee today, "tomorrow is regionals, and I know that we are all ready for it. The songs are amazing and we have the choreography down pat. I would say that we have this thing in the bag except for one thing. Guys we are not a team right now. There is a split in our team and it shows in our performances. We need to fix this before tomorrow. So instead of rehearsing for regionals we are going to take this time and hash things out and patch things up." With this declaration the entire club just looked at each other or more accurately the club all turned in their seats to glare at me and Rachel. "That's what I'm talking about guys you are alienating two of our group members."

"We aren't alienating them. We just can't believe that Santana is still pulling her charade of acting like she is Rachel's friend. Also, we can't believe that Rachel is still being to obtuse to understand that she is just being used or understand that she is going to be the butt of some horrible joke. If Rachel would just wise up it would all be ok." Mercedes finally said with the rest of the glee club nodding their heads behind her.

"How can you guys still believe that this is just some scheme that I have cooked up? It's been weeks since we all had that big argument and Rachel and I are still friends. Hell I have been more of a friend to her than any of you have been the entire time that you guys have known her. Why do you guys even care? None of you have really been in either of our fan clubs so what is it to you or that scares you guys so much that me and Rachel are becoming friends?"

This time it was Puck who spoke up, "I like the idea that you guys could be friends. I mean I love my little Jewish princess she deserves some friends who will always stick by her and I think you might actually be someone like that for her. My one problem is your track record when it comes to Rach. You have never done anything nice to her so why should we believe that you actually are becoming friends with her and that this isn't just some sick joke?"

"What do I have to do to prove that what is between me and Rach is real? Hasn't the fact that I have stopped all of the bullying that she has been going through been enough to show you guys that this is real?"

Rachel quickly glanced up at me and pulled me down to whisper in my ear, "That was you that stopped all of the slushies? I was wondering why they had all stopped."

"Of course," I replied, "did you really think that I would allow the bullying to continue? If your friends with me than your safe."

Turning back to face the rest of the club I asked, "Well what do I have to do?"

"Just tell me what prompted you to actually be her friend."

Glancing down at Rachel I took a deep breath. I really didn't want to tell anyone what might have prompted it but if it meant they would start being nice to Rachel again and that we could all put this behind us than I would do that. I was opening my mouth to explain when Rachel cut me off. "San you don't have to. If they can't just believe us than it doesn't matter."

"Yes it does Rach. If me telling them why means they will stop treating you like a leper than that's what I'll do." Turning to face the rest of the club I take a deep breath and open my mouth to speak but I can't get the words out. Then I feel Rachel take my hand and I draw power and courage from that contact and take another deep breath. This time when I open my mouth to talk the words come out, "I was going through some really tough times. I needed someone and I had no one. Rachel noticed and helped me through it. After that I couldn't stand the idea of being mean to her. Also, I realized that if you took Rachel out of school and glee she is actually a pretty cool chick, something that all of you would know if you even gave her a chance. So yeah we're friends now. Is that good enough for you?" I really didn't care if it was. They weren't going to get any more than that.

"Is that enough for all of you? Do you now believe that Santana is being honest when it comes to me?"

Most of the club just nodded their heads and then bowed them out of shame. Puck even seemed to have a smile his face. I guess he really did just want to make sure that Rachel was being protected.

"Well I still have some questions," Finn said.

"What's that Finn?"

"Why would you care what was going on with Santana? I mean she was nothing but mean to you?"

"Everyone deserves a second chance Finn. Now have all the questions about the validity of my and Santana's friendship been answered?" No one made a move. "Great than can this investigation be over? This was supposed to be a way to bury the hatchet not grill us."

"Ok guys let's not get hostile. Was that the only issue that was keeping us from being a team?" After looking over the rest of the club Schue nodded his head. "Great than we should be able to perform at regionals the way we are supposed to. To make sure lets run through those numbers." The rest of glee was spent practicing for tomorrow.

The rest of glee went by fast. Schue didn't want to wear out our voices before the competition so we only ran through our numbers a couple of times to show how much better it was when we were one cohesive group. When Schue called it quits Tina, Mike, Mercedes, and Puck all came up to hug us with a quick goodbye before they left. Looking over at Rachel she was all smiles. I couldn't help smiling either it was good to know that the tension was finally over and it was wonderful to see that smile back on Rachel.

On the car ride home Rachel broke the pleasant silence that we were in. "You didn't have to do that."

"I know but I wanted to. It wasn't right how they were treating you when it was me that they had a problem with. I didn't like that it was making you sad, so if that meant me telling them a little bit of what has happened then so be it."

"It really means a lot to me that you would do that so thank you."

"You're welcome, I'm just glad that things are back to normal in glee." Pulling up to her house I look over at her. "Have a great night and get to bed early. We need that voice of yours to be perfect so go take care of it." Shaking her head Rachel got out of my car.

"Have a nice night as well San. I'll see you tomorrow." With that she walked up to her house and entered.

Pulling away I couldn't help but think about our conversation. Thinking back to when I was telling her that I didn't mind telling about myself just to make sure that it meant that she would be happy I was just realizing how true that statement is. I would do almost anything to make sure that Rachel was happy. The last time I felt like this was with Brittany. 'No stop thinking. Just go home and get some rest. Tomorrow is a big day.'

AN: Ok so some resolution when it comes to the glee club. Next chapter is regionals. I don't know when that chapter is going to be up. My usual update day is being taken over by jury duty so hopefully I will be able to update soon. Please leave reviews they make me happy and make me want to write. I also like to know how you guys are feeling about the story. I love all of you.


	17. Chapter 17

AN: Ok I am bowing at your guys' feet and asking for forgiveness for how late I am on this chapter and also on how short it is. It actually is only like a quarter of the length that I wanted it to be. Let's blame the wait on school and working retail during the holiday season. I swear work is trying to kill me. But without further ado here is chapter 17.

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.

Chapter 17

Finally the morning of regionals has finally rolled around. To say that I'm excited and anxious is a big understatement. The songs we have are amazing, they truly are anthems, but I'm anxious because of the content of our songs. Bothe of them bare so much about our little club, let alone Rachel and me. Singing in front of a crowd can be difficult enough for but doing it with these lyrics, 'ok let's upgrade anxious to freaked out.' I know, I know, I'm Santana Lopez. I go out and cheer all the time, I was a part of a national winning team, and since when do I have a fear of performing. The truth of the matter is, I have always had stage fright, and it just takes me till the moment I walk on that stage to get over it.

I guess that fright would be why I am currently sitting outside of Rachel's house. Whenever I am near her recently she just puts me at ease and I'm hoping she can do that now and on the way to the competition so I don't have to be so wound tight until we perform. The one problem is I don't know if Rachel is still here or if she has already left for school. 'Well I guess it's time to figure out if she is here or not.' Slowly I get out of the car and started circling it to get to Rachel's front door when it started to open. Looking up I see Rachel walking out the door and heading towards her own car, that is until she saw me. "Oh, hello Santana. Not meaning to sound mean or offensive at all, but what are you doing here?"

"Well I thought that I might pick you up and take you to school today. There is no need to leave both of our cars in the parking lot today."

"That is very thoughtful. I gladly accept."

We head towards my car and before she can open the door I already have it pulled open. I don't know why I just did that but it felt right so whatever. Rachel looks at me surprised for a moment but then she got in the car while thanking me. When I reach my side of the car and get in I can already find Rachel fiddling around with my radio. Laughing and shaking my head at her boldness to touch my radio I begin the short drive from her house to the school. The only noise in the car was that of the radio that was being messed with and strangely enough it was a comfortable silence. I have to admit I was already feeling less freaked out and more relaxed and I have only been in Rachel's presence for a couple of minutes.

When we got to the school I pulled up by the bus, because let's face it I know I'm lazy and I try not to walk as much as possible. I quickly grab our stuff and jump out of the car. Rachel is by my side within seconds and we finish the walk over to the front of the bus. Quickly I enter the bus and head to my usual spot the back of the bus. Looking up I see that Rachel is still standing at the front of the bus looking around at the open space. Seeing as we are the last to arrive everyone is already on the bus and a few of them are trying to get Rachel to sit with them. After quickly letting her eyes pass over everyone she starts heading towards the back of the bus to sit with me. I let out the breath that I apparently was holding seeing that she planned on sitting with me. Don't ask me why but I really wanted her to sit with me. Than Finn happened. Right as Rachel was about to pass him he stepped right in front of her.

"Hey Rach. I was wondering if you would like to sit with me. I miss hanging out with you."

"I'm sorry Finn but I was planning on sitting with Santana."

"Why don't you see her all the time now? Just sit with me and we can talk about regionals and maybe make plans for after the competition."

"We can talk later; right now I am going to go sit by Santana." Rachel made to push past the boy when Finn grabbed her arm.

"Rach I really would like you to sit with me. I think there are things we need to talk. Like Santana."

When I saw Finn grab Rachel's arm I was out of my seat. No one is allowed to be physical with her. When I had reached them I had heard what Finn was saying and it pissed me off even more. "Hey Frankenteen I believe the lady said no so what you're going to right now is release her and sit down or you are going to lose the ability to procreate. Though I don't think that would be a bad thing for the world." With that I gently took Rachel's hand and led her back to my seat.

"Thank you for the rescue Santana, but you didn't have to be so mean to him."

"Yeah well he wouldn't have gotten the idea through his thick skull unless I was. Now enough about the oaf you ready for today?" With that question we were off on our own conversation and in our own little world. Every now and then I would see Finn shoot a look our way and I would return one of my patented glares before he would turn around. The rest of the ride though, I am glad to say, was uneventful.

AN: Thank you for the review and favoriting. I promise the next update will not nearly take as long I am already working on it and I know where I am going with it. And I promise the next chapter is going to be the regionals. Please leave me some love.


	18. Chapter 18

AN: Ok I know this is long awaited and I said that I would have it up sooner but my muse completely left me and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't get this chapter written the way I knew it should be. Hopefully this was somewhat worth the wait. I promise I do know where I am going with this fic. Thank you to all of you who are still with this story and thank you to all of you who have joined during my long hiatus. Your guy's favoriting and alerting even when it was shown that I haven't written in a while really helped to pull away my writer's block. Now on with the story.

Disclaimer: I do not own glee

Chapter 18

When the bus arrived at the theatre that we were going to perform at there seemed like there was a mad rush for the bus doors. To say that we were all a little excited to be at the competition and show off our songs was an understatement. Rachel and I were right behind everyone else, wondering when we were going to be able to see Dalton preform and support Kurt before we had to go to the back and get ready ourselves. I also kinda hoped that Rachel would be able to track down Kurt before he performed because now that the rift in glee club was fixed I was hoping she would be able to fix things with Kurt.

After everyone was off the bus and had convened in the lobby of the auditorium Mr. Schue came up to us with a program in his hands. "Okay guys. I know that we all want to be able to watch the Warblers and it seems as if we will be able to. They are slotted to go first, then it's Oral Intensity, and then we go. The Warblers don't go on stage for another forty-five minutes though so go have fun and look around. I want us all to be in the audience, together as a group, though ten minutes before they are slotted to go on. I want all of us in the same area and there to support Kurt."

With that we all went off in different directions. Knowing that Rachel really wanted to go find Kurt and that he wouldn't be willing to talk unless I was not there I turned to Rachel, "So you need to go find Kurt and fix this so you are back to not being sad and I will go do something."

"Are you sure? I really don't want to leave you alone with the rest of the glee club. They might have reluctantly acquiesced to our friendship that doesn't mean that they are going to start being nice to you."

"I can handle myself thank you very much. After all I'm still Santana Lopez just because I have started being nice to you doesn't mean that I'm a sudden push over. I still scare most of them enough that they will leave me alone."

"You know you could be nice to them as well. "

Before I could say anything to that she had turned around and started making her way through the crowd in search of Kurt. Shaking my head at that I started making my way towards the seats in the auditorium, hoping that I would be able to get good seats for the team and just look for the peace that our own auditorium offered me.

When I entered the auditorium it was mostly empty because everyone was still out in the lobby talking and getting snacks for the show. I basically had my pick of any seat that I wanted. Quickly I counted out enough seats for the group and sat at the end so I could save all the seats that we would need. After that I just shut my eyes and let the peace fill me up and waited for the rest of the group to appear and get ready for the show.

Rachel's POV….

After leaving Santana I went searching for Kurt. He was one of the few friends I actually had, besides Santana, and I wanted to make sure I fixed things up with him because I really did miss him. He wasn't too hard to find. All I had to do was look for a Dalton Blazer. It also helped that apparently he was off looking for us before he had to go get warmed up with the Warblers. Before he could find the rest of the glee club I quickly walked up to him and grabbed him by the arm. "Look I know that you are mad at me right now but we need to talk."

"Ok fine Rachel. Where the heck do you get off yelling at the rest of the glee club?"

"I was defending myself and if you would just let me explain than I think you will understand." Looking around I quickly walk off to a more secluded spot where we could almost have a private conversation. "Ok so you got Mercedes' point of view on the fight now it's time that you got mine. The entire fight was basically over the fact that Santana and I have become friends. Everyone in the club thought that she was trying to hurt me and that I was being too naïve to understand what was going on. They down right refused to believe that Santana and I would ever be able to be friends. That's why I yelled at them. I couldn't take being put down by them anymore and I got fed up. Granted I shouldn't have yelled at them but they left me no choice. The glee club has now realized that our friendship is real and they are leaving it alone. We have started to fix the damage that our fight has created and I would like to try and repair the damage that it caused between the two of us. And I have missed you."

"Whoa ok Rachel take a breath there. Are you sure that Santana isn't just trying to set you up to fail at something? I mean with her track record she has never really tried to be nice to anyone other than Brittany."

"I sure. I can't tell you why I am so sure because it's not my place but can you just accept that we are friends now."

"If you're sure that Santana is being honest with you than I don't see where I or anyone else for that matter have a right to stand in your way. I just want you to be safe because I really don't want to see you hurt like you were with that Jesse kid."

"I am and I promise I would never put myself in a similar situation like I was in with Jesse. Can you do me a favor now? Anytime that me and the glee club or anyone for that matter gets in a fight will you promise to listen to both sides before you take a side. It really hurt me that you wouldn't even talk to me about the fight and just sided with Mercedes."

"I guess I can make that promise, and I am sorry that I didn't listen to your side as well."

"Ok then, I'm going to hug you now is that ok?"

"It's more than ok." Kurt replied while shaking his head at the absurdity of asking if she could hug him. After the hug Kurt checked his watch. "As much as I would love to catch up with you I now need to go and start warming up with the rest of the Warblers and see my man."

"What you have a man now? You have to talk to me after the competition."

"I promise I will, you can bet on that. Oh and by the way I missed you too." With that Kurt turned on his heels and walked off to join the rest of the Warblers in the green room. Looking around I really didn't see anyone else that I wanted to talk to so I headed off in my search of Santana.

Santana's Pov….

The auditorium was slowing starting to fill up with the audience and the rest of the competitors. The peace I was seeking was gone after five minutes of sitting in the auditorium because I had to keep shooing people away from the seats that I was saving for the rest of the team. Slowly one by one they started to filter in with rest of the audience and came and sat next to me. Granted not one of them took either seat that was right next to me. Brittany gave them both a quick look but then sighed and took the outside seat so that she could sit next to roller boy. 'So sue me I might be feeling a bit better about what happened between me and Brittany it doesn't mean that I still don't like the boy that she chose.'

When Rachel came in without pausing to look at the other seats that were open she immediately came and sat down next to me I couldn't stop the smile that came to my face. "So how did everything go with Kurt?"

"It's all fixed. We had a heart to heart and now we are all good."

"That's great. I'm happy you guys are talking again." Before I could say anything else the curtains rose and the Warblers were introduced. When I saw Kurt take to main stage and sing that duet with Blaine I couldn't help the look that came over my face. They were really good and Kurt deserved that duet.

Soon we were hustling out of the auditorium to get to the green room to warm up for our performance while Coach Sylvester's Oral Intensity took the stage.

"Alright guys our time is almost here. I just want you guys all to remember that I believe in you guys and I believe in the songs that you guys have written. Now go out there and show all those people that you guys aren't just great singers but you guys also happen to be amazing song writers.

With that we all got a quick group hug and then walked off to our separate sides of the stage waiting in the wings for Oral Intensity to finish and Rachel to make her debut.

When she got out there I couldn't help but to stare at her and listen to the amazing song that she had written. She was blowing everyone away. I was so caught up in that high note that I almost missed my cue to join her on stage and it was only because Mercedes accidently nudged me while going on herself that I was able to make it with the rest of the girls.

After being introduced by Rachel I quickly took a deep breath and started dancing with everyone else. It was time to show off our other song.

Yeah you may think that I'm a zero

But hey everyone you wanna be probably started off like me

You may say that I'm a freak show

I don't care

Rachel

But hey give me just a little time

I bet you gonna change your mind

All of the dirt you been throwing my way

It ain't so hard to take

That's right

Cuz I know that one day you'll be screaming my name

And I'll just look away

That's right

Just go ahead and hate on me

And run your mouth

So everyone can hear

Hit me with the worst you got and knock me down

Baby I don't care

Keep it up and soon enough you'll figure out

You wanna be you wanna be

A loser like me

A loser like me

Push me up against a locker

And hey all I do is shake it off

I'll get you back when I'm your boss

I'm not thinking bout you haters

Cuz hey, I could be a superstar

I'll see you when you wash my car

All of the dirt you've been throwing my way

It ain't so hard to take

That's right

Cuz I know one day you'll be screaming my name

And I'll just look away

That's right

Just go ahead and hate on me

And run your mouth

So everyone can hear

Hit me with the worst you got and knock me down

Baby I don't care

Keep it up and soon enough you'll figure out

You wanna be

You wanna be

A loser like me

Go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth

So everyone can hear

Hit me with the worst you got and knock me down

Baby I don't care

Keep it up and soon enough you'll figure out

You wanna be

You wanna be

A loser like me

A loser like me

A loser like me

After receiving our applause we quickly booked it off the stage so that the judges could go deliberate and hand us our first place trophy, because there is not a doubt in my mind that we totally rocked those songs and they would have no choice but to give us first place. When we were safely off of the stage I quickly grabbed Rachel into a hug. "Ok so I know this is a little bit presumptuous but after we win do you want to go out and get something to eat and hang out."

"That sounds great. Hey we could even turn it into a sleep over seeing as your father is gone at another conference this week."

"I would love that."

"Would all the show choirs please make their way to the stage please?"

"It's time let's go accept our trophy and then blow this Popsicle joint." I yell grabbing Rachel's hand.

"Third place Oral Intensity. And now the moment we have all been waiting for first place goes to… McKinley High New Directions."

AN: Thank you again for reading this and staying with me. I hope this has lived up to some of your expectations. Please leave some love in the form of reviews not only do they make me happy and let me know what I can do to make this story better but it also gives me a good kick in the butt to write more. I love you all and thank you. The song is Loser like me by glee.


	19. Chapter 19

AN: I am so sorry to all of you guys. For some reason I knew where I wanted to take this story but my muse had left me. Hopefully some of you guys are still with me and I want to let you know that I have not abandoned this story. With no further ado the next chapter of my story.

Disclaimer: I own nothing that is Glee.

Chapter 19

After our name had been called for winning first place I could do nothing but stand there astonished. True the songs we wrote were amazing I just didn't know how well they would be received by the audience at large. I stood there still, lost in thought, until I felt arms wrap around me and lift me from the ground. I couldn't stop the laughter that escaped. Who knew Santana Lopez was strong enough to pick me up and twirl me around.

"Told ya we would win."

"I never doubted you."

"Uh ha."

"Hey Rachel can I talk to you for a minute," Finn asked while breaking the moment between me and Santana.

After quickly looking at the Latina I allowed Finn to lead me away from her. Things had been pretty tense between us since I learned that he and Santana had sex, and things didn't get much better after he learned about our friendship. "So Rach…. I have been thinking." That's never a good sign, I think (ok I have been hanging out with Santana too much so sew me), "and I think now would be a good time to get back together. I mean we just won regionals and I have finally forgiven you for cheating on me with Puck. So you can stop hanging out with Santana just to piss me off. It worked and I'm sorry I never told you and now we can be together like we are supposed to be."

I couldn't think of what to say after that. The audacity of him. He has forgiven me and now we can be together. I can stop hanging out with Santana because it pissed him off. Where does he get the right to decide these things? I don't want to get back together with him. In all honesty I think I might have my eye on someone else.

Apparently he took my silence as acceptance because the next thing I know he has his arms wrapped around me and his mouth on top of mine. It only takes a second before I fully realize what's going on and try to push him off of me, but with the size difference he doesn't feel a thing and keeps on going.

Then I feel relief as I am pulled away from him and into arms that I know so well. "What the hell do you think you are doing Finnept?" Santana yells at him.

"What do you mean what am I doing? I'm kissing my girlfriend. Not like it's any of your business."

All Santana can do is look down at me asking a silent question. I quickly shake my head no. "She most definitely is not your girlfriend and it doesn't look like she wanted to kiss you, to me in fact, it looked like she was trying to get away from your giant and pudgy body."

"She wasn't trying to get away Rachel loves me. She wanted that kiss."

Finally I had relaxed enough from the forced kiss that I was able to remove myself from San's arms and move towards Finn. Seeing this Finn couldn't help but smirk at the Latina. That is until I pulled my hand back and slapped him.

"How dare you?" I yelled at Finn. "You do not have the right to decide we are back together and then hold me in your arms so I cannot move and kiss me. That is a complete violation of my personal space and harassment on top of that, and what about Quinn your actual girlfriend?"

"Rach….." Finn just stood there shocked about the smack. Finally he managed out, "I broke up with her to be with you. We are meant to be together. I know you understand that."

"Finn I want nothing to do with you, definitely not after how you just handled this." With that I turned on my heel, grabbed a grinning Santana and walked out of the auditorium.

"That was so hot." I hear mumbled from behind me and can't help the smile that comes to my face.

"So about dinner where were you thinking of taking me?"

"Truthfully I hadn't thought that far ahead. I don't know what places serve vegan so I was hoping you would be able to tell me where we are going."

"Actually I have a perfect idea for how we are going to spend the rest of the evening. And you my dear are just going to have to wait to find out when we get back to the school." With that I climbed up the stairs of the bus and found my way to the back seat without so much as glancing at the rest of the celebrating club.

The trip home was extremely fun. I was curled up in the back seat with Santana singing along with the rest of the team. We were in such good spirits that as soon as we hit the road back home we couldn't stop ourselves from singing. As soon as we finished one song someone would start up a new one and we all would join in. There were only a few awkward moments when either Brittany or Finn would look our way. Brittany with lose in her eyes and Finn; I don't even know what emotion was in Finn's eyes. All I knew was that it was one I did not like. But there was nothing I could do about it now and we had just won regionals so I wasn't going to worry about it at this precise moment.

When we pulled up into our high school's parking lot I was sad and happy at the same time. I was looking forward to spending the rest of the time with San but to do that it meant leaving her arms that I was nicely encompassed in right at the moment. I was so nice and comfy in that position that I we were the last to leave the bus and that only happened because San's stomach started to growl.

"As much as I would love to stay in this spot forever I am starving and I needs to gets my eats on. So where was this place that you want us to go to?"

Just shaking my head at her grammar I pull her hand and we both get up and make our way towards her car. "How do you feel about me driving your car?" All I get in response is a quirked eyebrow. "I would like to take you somewhere but I don't want you to know where we are going until we get there and that would be impossible if you were to be the one driving." Still all I get in return is a look. "I promise to be extremely careful with your baby. Please." I ask turning on my sad eyes knowing that they are a weakness of hers.

"Fine but take care of my baby." She says while softly tossing me her keys. "How is me sitting in the passenger seat any different than me driving anyways. I still will know where we are going. I can see."

"Not if you close your eyes and keep them closed. Which I know you will because you don't want to upset me by ruining the surprise now do you?" Grumbling Santana walked over to the passenger side and sat down than closed her eyes. Laughing I place our stuff in the car and then headed out to where we would be having dinner.

"Ok you can open your eyes now."

"You want to eat at your house?"

"Yeah I haven't cooked for a while and I really miss it and I decided that I would like to cook for you. That is if you are ok with that. We could always go somewhere if you don't like it."

"Rach I would love to have you cook for me." With that said we got out of the car, grabbed our stuff and went inside. After putting our stuff down inside my room we went down to the kitchen and I started to grab stuff to make some food.

"You like mushrooms and spinach right?"

"There not bad."

"Cool than I know what I'm making."

"Do you need any help? I don't want to just sit here and have you do all the work."

"I told you I want to cook for you and I can't do that if you're helping so all you need to do is sit down and keep me company." With that they set about their appointed chores. Santana sitting down to watch and keep company while Rachel prepared dinner and slide it into the oven.

"So we haven't really talked about what happened earlier today between you and Finnocence. Are you ok?"

"Now that it is over I am better but I really don't want anything to do with him for quite a while. I just can't believe he had the gaule to say that I could have him back as a boyfriend and then force a kiss on me. God I feel like I need to go brush my teeth again just thinking about it. And then the crack he said about our friendship. What right does he have to try and say that I am just using our friendship to get under his skin and now that we are together I could stop being friends with you? There is no way I am letting go of our friendship especially for a boy who doesn't even respect me enough to wait and see if I really want to go out with him before trying to kiss me. Sorry ranting."

"It's cool. I would want to rant about that too. Though he wouldn't have the balls to try that on me. If you want I can make sure that he no longer comes near you. People still fear me at school."

"I don't know. I'm not even sure Finn will try something stupid like that again." To that Santana just gave me a look that clearly said are you stupid.

"This is Finn we are talking about. He won't stop until he gets what he wants no matter what or who he might hurt on the way and you my dear are what he wants right now."

"Well if you put it that way than if you would like to put some fear into him to keep him away who am I to dissuade you?"

"I thought you would see it my way. Don't worry I will keep Finn away from you."

"Why thank you and dinner is ready."

After dishing up and sitting down at the table Rachel waited to see what Santana would say about the spinach mushroom lasagna. "Oh my god, Rachel if all vegan food tastes this good than you have made a new convert out of me."

"Well thank you. You are the only person who has even willingly tried vegan food let alone admit that it could taste good as well so thank you. I would never feed people food that doesn't taste good, people just don't believe that."

After dinner the girls cleaned up the kitchen and made their way up to Rachel's room. "So what would you like to do now?" I asked turning towards San.

"Truthfully I am a little tired after everything that happened today. Would you mind popping in a movie and just relaxing for the rest of the night?"

"Not at all. Actually that was what I was thinking of doing. Want to know something that no one else knows about me?"

"Ok…"

"As much as I love Barbra Streisand she was not the person who made me fall in love with Broadway. Once I fell in love that is when I found her but the origin is from one movie. When I was really young my fathers brought a movie home and put it in for family night. Within the first couple of minutes I was captured and had fallen in love. Funny Girl may be my favorite movie but I will always pay homage to that movie, The Music Man. It has to be the one with Robert Preston because as much as I love Mathew Broderick and Kristen Chenoweth nothing can compare to the original." With that I popped in that movie and moved to my place next to Santana on the bed.

Before I knew it we were curled up together watching Professor Hill try and ask out Marian by threatening her by being loud in the library. It just felt right being wrapped up in her arms. I felt safe and like someone besides my parents cared about me. If only she was over the thing that happened between her and Brittany, but I know that that won't be the case for a while. How do you get over heartbreak like that and open yourself up to another opportunity to hurt again. That's fine though because I know that I am falling for her so if that means I have to wait till she is ready to open up again than I am more than willing to do that.

Little did Rachel know that Santana was having the same thoughts at that very moment. Is it wrong that I am starting to like someone? Can I even say that I like someone, and what about Brittany? It's only been a couple of weeks since she cut my heart to pieces. But if I am to be honest with myself my heart is no longer in tiny little pieces. Don't get me wrong it is still broken just not nearly as badly, and I guess I have to give a lot of the credit to the person who has slowly been putting it back together without really even trying. Rachel, she has been there for me even when no one else that I know or even considered a friend was. The person that I tormented has been fixing me. And because of that I have begun falling for her. I know I haven't fallen in love because my heart isn't capable of that right now but maybe just maybe it's ready for like. But am I falling in like with her because she is fixing me or am I falling in like because it's Rachel and she is a wonderful girl that anyone would be lucky to call theirs. Rachel deserves someone with a heart that they can give not someone who needs to put their heart back together. But does the fact that I realize this mean that I might be at a point where I could possible start something without it being a rebound. God all this thinking is not doing me any good. Screw it I'm Santana fucking Lopez and I want to know where I stand with Rachel. When the movie ends that's going to be when I make my move.

"So Rachel I have a question for you. Do you think it is possible to start liking someone while overcoming heartbreak and it not be a rebound."

"It matters on how the person feels and how long it has been since the heartbreak. If it has only been a couple of day than I think it would be a rebound. But if it's a couple of weeks or more that person might have started to move on and moving on is a good thing."

"So someone can move on while still mending their heart?"

"I do believe so but that person should be up front and honest with the other person and hope that they are willing to help mend their heart."

Here is the big question. I really don't want to ruin this new friendship that I have with her but I think these questions have at least given her an idea about my feelings for her, and her answers haven't been bad. In fact they seem to be leading me to ask this next question. Here it goes hopefully I won't ruin anything with this question. "Would you be willing to help me mend my heart?"

After a couple of quiet minutes I hear, "I think I would be willing to help and maybe see where that leads us."

I couldn't help the smile that came over my face. Rachel not only doesn't think it's insane for me to have some kind of feelings towards her right now but she returns them and wants to see where things will lead us. "So…. How does Friday sound to you? I could pick you up take you out to some place nice and see where the night leads us."

"That sounds wonderful." I couldn't help but to stare into her eyes. I wanted nothing more than in that moment than to just look at her and have her looking back at me. It felt wonderful finally knowing how she felt and knowing that she felt the same way as I did.

Before things became too awkward between us I pulled her closer and whispered in her ear, "How about I put on another movie for us to fall asleep to?" All I got in response was a nod of her head. So I quickly moved and put in another musical, Victor Victoria, and laid back down in bed pulling her close to me so I could hold her throughout the night. It just felt so right for her to be there in my arms. Slowly we both nodded off to sleep with Julie Andrews and Robert Preston singing in the background.

AN: hopefully you guys liked the update and I look forward to hearing or more of reading what you guys thought about the chapter. I believe I have found my muse again because this chapter is a lot longer than I thought it would be and I know exactly what I want to do next chapter so hopefully it will be up soon. I love you all and remember reviews are love.


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